Dogs, Weird and Animals: Nothing better to do - FML

Nothing better to do

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 162

You deserved it 40 302

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Same thing different taste

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 800

You deserved it 7 171

By sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 194

You deserved it 5 933

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 730

You deserved it 8 310

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 296

You deserved it 3 806

By BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 670

You deserved it 9 391

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 077

You deserved it 8 753

It found you

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 1 195

By A - 09/02/2012 06:37 - United States

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 684

You deserved it 4 142

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 1 793

By alix - 24/08/2012 15:45 - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, my dog was diagnosed with depression. I got him to help with my depression. I guess we can just be miserable together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 313

You deserved it 3 100

Next

Top comments

saIty 17

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:33

"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"

missyj0 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:29

Sounds like you need a hobby..

Comments

Dnigz13 4

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:24

Well were you able to read it

PeteyPablo12308 20

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:31

Wow... Fyl indeed.

Aug1508 9

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:31

You need to get a life or need mental help.

porcupineattack1 5

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:34

What did you expectto find?

greenmen 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:37

Try reading a mind of 2 year old kid you'll get there.

rubberduckie94 13

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:41

"Food food food, oh that shit over there I bet I coul eat that for food. Gotta poop". That Is what your dog was thinking. My dog dog however thinks of Socrotes, Kant, Descartes. Plus has the sense of humor of all the greats combined.

loserman67 35

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:12

Who the **** is Socrotes? There is a Greek Athenian philosopher by the name of Socartes.

perdix 29

Wednesday 28 March 2012 23:37

It's Socrates, genius. You ought to use Wikipedia and a spell-checker before you correct others.

rubberduckie94 13

Thursday 29 March 2012 0:14

And we wonder why the world is In the shape it is in these days. People feel smart for correcting a post on fml that really means absolutely nothing, but if you are going to correct be nice and be right.

rubberduckie94 13

Thursday 29 March 2012 2:43

Thanks for getting them perdix

D0ESiTMATTER 3

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:49

Get a life. One that includes sex.

Arxikist 3

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:53

Some people take their dog to the park..

ilovetextin16 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:04

sounds like you neeed a life(;

burningpassion69 6

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:05

Wow and I thought I had no life

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Keywords

Public freakouts Education Parents Mother in law Love Argument AITA Miscellaneous Insects Fear Cats Skincare Health Jealousy Coworkers Work Gross Drugs Dogs Animals Fire Awkward Scams Transportation Cars Money Bikes Scary Neighbours Sex

The Top

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation, to find my fiance had cleaned the house top to bottom, and finished three projects he was constantly putting off. I was over the moon, until he said, "Yeah, when you're not nagging me all day, I can actually get shit done. Crazy, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 656

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 877

You deserved it 5 658

The Top

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 888

You deserved it 4 687

Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked up with a male friend. I'm so out of practice, I honestly believe round-two the next morning was out of pity more than actual interest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 212

Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving in. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 265

You deserved it 4 987

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 971

You deserved it 36 248

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 507

You deserved it 44 161

Today, I've been trapped at home for almost two months because of the epidemic. Now I'm thrilled just to get to go outside to throw garbage away, as if I'm going on a trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 208