Zoning out - FML

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 1 791

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

What are you doing?

By puppylove - 03/08/2019 16:00 - Philippines

Today, my mom caught me absentmindedly staring at my puppy's butthole. She'd also been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 1 971

By what-the-what - 29/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 773

You deserved it 298

Good boy

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 23:02 - Germany

Today, I told my mom that the puppy she was cuddling had a piece of dried poo stuck to its butt. Her reaction was to pluck the poo with her bare hands, put it on the coffee table next to my food and continue cuddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 104

Once you see it…

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 16:02

Today, it was brought to my attention that my dog has a giant anus. I'd never noticed. Now I can't stop staring at his silver dollar-sized backdoor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 310

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 730

You deserved it 8 310

It's a doggy dog world

By Patrick - 14/10/2012 04:39 - United States - Sulphur

Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 675

You deserved it 4 079

By dBLIZZARD - 09/06/2015 18:39 - United States

Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 024

You deserved it 4 028

By Username - 13/02/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 708

You deserved it 3 717

By emancipate me - 15/05/2016 19:59 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 219

You deserved it 1 474

By hoo flung pu - 03/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 251

You deserved it 3 713

Next

Top comments

AbuFudayl 9

Tuesday 5 May 2020 8:37

Why would you be doing that

ojoRojo 27

Tuesday 5 May 2020 15:08

Originally posted last year?? Come on

Comments

AbuFudayl 9

Tuesday 5 May 2020 8:37

Why would you be doing that

Charlie Coffman_1920149595 18

Tuesday 5 May 2020 9:24

stop "bill cobsying" that dog, no means no lol

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 5 May 2020 10:17

Sounds like perversion runs in the family! I hope the puppy's asshole wasn't so ugly that you couldn't do it doggie-style anymore. You might want to learn how to express its anal glands. You'll save a fortune in vet bills and you'll get your freak on, weirdo.

ojoRojo 27

Tuesday 5 May 2020 15:08

Originally posted last year?? Come on

pawesome21 21

Tuesday 5 May 2020 16:34

Quarantine day 57...

lifeis4me 20

Wednesday 6 May 2020 0:51

Unless you’re a vet, I don’t know why you’re doing that. I hope she shamed you enough to not make that a habit

deadclown6 9

Thursday 7 May 2020 2:10

Why does it feel like the FML is only for the fact that they’ve been caught

BurnInDemonFire 33

Friday 8 May 2020 1:39

What happened to the comment I posted last time this was up?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 940

You deserved it 46 020

Today, one of my friends confessed his love for me and said he wanted to be more than friends. Jaded by guys who only wanted one thing, I pushed him away saying, “Oh really, is that what you think you need to say to get in my pants?” He frowned and stormed off. Later, I found out he really did want a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 831

The Top

Today, I pulled a girl out of the way of a car. She yelled at me because I made her drop her phone, which then got run over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 602

You deserved it 1 789

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 835

You deserved it 4 094

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 788

You deserved it 14 905

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 690

You deserved it 6 040

Today, while walking to my car after work, I witnessed some moron who was texting while riding her bike running right into my parked car, resulting in a broken side mirror, a damaged windshield, two dents, and for her, a broken phone and nose. She's threatening to sue me for damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 980

You deserved it 2 481

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 554

You deserved it 18 332