Misunderstanding

By vanessa_d15 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
I agree, your life sucks 43 108
You deserved it 6 735
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Top comments

laughing_zebra 0

That's when you say to her, "and you're not intelligent."

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applespice 0

...your friend sounds like a lovely person.

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Comments

spellfire 0

A comment from your friend could have been caused by ignorance rather than malice. You know all about your malady, but other people are not expected to be so educated, especially if they're as young as they seem to be. They say that sharing about your condition with your inner circle like friends / workspace turns it into a "safe place" and helps healing. To anyone who wants to do that, consider this advice from "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook", and write them a "Dear Person Letter", and then either hand them the letter or read it yourself. Tell them the name of your disease, describe its essentials, and specify what kind of help they can give you--for example, they could refrain from comments about your size entirely, to avoid the situations like that in this FML. They should know that calling you "not skinny" and such is nothing short of hitting you by a locomotive. And if afterwards they still do it...you know what to do. Here's the script...it's about anxiety and agoraphobia, actually, but never you mind that! Just to give an idea of how it looks like. Pasting... /quote Dear Person Letter Dear ________: I want to tell you something about myself. I have a problem with a type of anxiety called agoraphobia. This is not a mental illness, but a kind of anxiety which causes panic attacks. Although 5 in 100 people suffer from agoraphobia, some people have not heard of the condition. It is difficult for me to talk about it, but sharing this information with you is important to me. Agoraphobia is similar to claustrophobia, except that panic attacks can be triggered by many things, such as crowds, distance from home, freeways, bridges, and/or many other situations. I can neither anticipate nor control these anxiety attacks. Because these attacks are extremely uncomfortable, sometimes terrifying and always embarrassing, I have been avoiding situations which might arouse them. I have found help for this problem and am making progress. At this point I am doing some things and want to do even more, but I still need a way out of situations that are frightening to me. I have found that when other people understand that I may need to leave an uncomfortable situation, I can do better and it helps in my recovery. It is extremely important to me to feel free to leave any given situation at any time, no matter how innocuous the situation may appear. I don’t ask that you understand my condition, but I would appreciate your help. In telling you this, I am not soliciting your sympathy, but I would like your moral support as I work toward recovery. I realize that the way I confront the problem may seem confusing and even inappropriate to you. Be assured that I have been treated by other methods but have found that the system I am using now is helping me to recover. By your acceptance, you will be working with me in licking this problem. unquote/

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letitbe56 0

I like how the letter begins "this is not a mental illness." The stigma in our society against the "mentally ill" is so strong that people will go out of their way to say a psychiatric disorder is "not a mental illness." I'm not really even sure what IS a mental illness if a panic disorder is not one. Just so everyone knows, "mental illness" is only used nowadays as a legal term, and invoked when people are deciding whether or not someone is competent to stand trial or was competent at the time of the incident. The clinical psychology/psychiatry community never uses the term. They refer to mental health problems as "mental disorders" or "psychiatric disorders." The letter is a good idea, though. I went through a depressive episode a while ago, but since it was after I had been studying clinical psychology for a while, I was much better able to explain what was going on to my boyfriend (the only person I told) in objective terms. I also told him not to be afraid to ask me questions if he was confused about what was happening to me. It made it a lot easier for him to be supportive, which in turn helped me get better.

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spellfire 0

I don't know what they authors mean by "this is not a mental illness" either. I'm guessing this passage is merely here to soften the blow while delivering the news. For someone who doesn't know much of the subject, hearing "I'm mentally ill" might sound like "I'm insane"--that might just trigger a defensive reaction which stems from fear. People are afraid of such things happening to them, so they distance from them--"you are not me, and I am all right, and I will always be all right." This results in people not wanting to know anything of this scary subject, or about the victim of this malady for that matter, which just counterproductive to the point of the letter. So, the opening is trying to calm down the reader enough to slither some information in. And once they know more of it, fear reduces, and unacceptance as well, as it tends to happen. An eating disorder turns mind against body, so it might warrant a "mental" term as well...but maybe this is not the best way to start explaining it to someone.

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babeyy 0

wow wutta bitch I wouldve clocked her. god people can be so mean

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Rosalind39 0

Ignore her, you are beautiful and incredibly brave to tell someone your problems.

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greenrapsody 0

I am so ******* sorry. people are incredibly ignorant... I hope this doesn't trigger you too badly. keep speaking up and trying to get help. don't let this hurt your chances of recovering. stay strong

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danii_s2 0

uhm. mayb the whole reason they have an eating disorder is coz they think theyr fat... that's generally the mentality behind it.

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couny343 1

they're really helping you resolve your eating disorder

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Irony_and_Ivory 1

My first instinct was to be really, really angry at all the ignorant comments on here. Then, I realized that a lot of people simply just don't know much of anything about eating disorders. First off, I'm sorry your friends weren't more supportive. Please do not think that this does not make your "problem" any less valid than it was. I'm guessing that you're suffering from bulimia or some sort of (restrictive) EDNOS, both of which are no less detrimental to your health then anorexia. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem. Please, don't let this deter you from taking another step further and trying to get some help. The earlier you can stop this, the better. Good luck.

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HotSauce_fml 0

Eating disorder is just an excuse for having no self control, fatty.

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Flutist 3

HotSauce, I want to reach through the screen and slap you. Just because you don't know anything about eating disorders does not mean they are not real, not valid, and not detrimental. I suffered from an eating disorder for a long time, brought on by people telling me I wasn't as thin as I used to be, when I was my natural, healthy weight. I think people like you need to be beaten, or remain silent. She probably started throwing up, not eating, or she might have honest to god anorexia nervosa, where her body just doesn't get hungry. Despite that, calling her a fatty and feeling smug about it, only shows what a jackass you are. Have some empathy for someone who just had one of their friends tell them their problem is not valid and that the reason for having the disorder was probably valid (and caused by them) in the world the Op lives in.

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ConradKay 13

This comment is so disgusting, I'm not even going to rebut it.

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Shmoopie4 0

Your friends sound like real "winners"...so sorry you had to deal with that. And I agree with others, it sounds like it was just ignorance on their part, not actual malice. If they're still not willing to show support, then I would leave them behind and seek support elsewhere.

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