Intimacy: Effective - FML

Effective

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - 16/11/2015 06:44 - United States - Arlington

Spicy

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 209

You deserved it 3 482

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Same thing different taste

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 309

You deserved it 635

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 708

You deserved it 5 929

By Jon - 23/05/2011 18:46 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 394

You deserved it 9 425

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:28 - United States - Colorado Springs

Spicy

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 238

You deserved it 6 803

Mission successful

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I did a 69 for the first time and I was on the bottom. When she orgasmed, not only did she fart, a bit of poo came out with the fart, and actually went up my nose. I’ve gone through a whole box of tissues blowing my nose, but I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 293

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Spicy

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 565

You deserved it 12 434

Girls will be girls

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 735

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 395

You deserved it 5 231

By Charles - 22/02/2009 15:10 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 532

You deserved it 5 700

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 18:26 - Canada - Red Deer

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 929

You deserved it 6 204

Next

Top comments

cdgrayson 21

Monday 16 November 2015 17:31

Damn you must be the shit!

BellaP13 24

Monday 16 November 2015 17:35

It happens. Basically everything tights and then loosens. Don't worry about it she's probably as embarrassed as you

Comments

the_real_dvd 21

Tuesday 17 November 2015 4:35

You made her cum and go at the same time

anthony99 14

Tuesday 17 November 2015 4:50

Everyone knows girls don't poop

ladycoco8 20

Tuesday 17 November 2015 4:52

Most definitely not urine lol. Trust us.

tomvertigo 17

Tuesday 17 November 2015 5:05

Shit happens.

tgranatire_12 19

Tuesday 17 November 2015 5:21

Thats a win-win in my eyes

anarchymaniac 22

Tuesday 17 November 2015 5:48

That is so nasty

Emmy0806 6

Tuesday 17 November 2015 5:49

That is disgusting. What is wrong with her

allplayedout 20

Tuesday 17 November 2015 9:08

Some drunk lunatic of a god designed her excretory and reproductive systems to share a building with very thin walls. Just like it did to everyone else

Xamry14 10

Tuesday 17 November 2015 9:37

Your disgusting. Your attitude at least. The female anatomy sucks. Then again you probably don't have much experience with it.

anarchymaniac 22

Tuesday 17 November 2015 5:49

She's probably really embarrassed.

ericp96 10

Tuesday 17 November 2015 6:08

I guess you could say you literally f#€*£d the $#!+ outta her

HotFrosty 14

Tuesday 17 November 2015 6:48

Way to go! That... Um... All I can say is Wow!

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The Top

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You deserved it 909

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 24 259

You deserved it 2 362

Today, after months of having my standards lowered by how unattractive guys' dating profiles are, I found myself masturbating to the yellow guy from Sin City. Yep. He's hot compared to my real options. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 651

Today, I canceled my dental check-up because I'm getting busy at work. Then, as I was flossing, my finger slipped, I heard a "crunch" from one of my fillings, and I now have a killer toothache. It's costing me double to go to the dentist because it's now an emergency call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 068

You deserved it 7 484