Intimacy: Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All... - FML

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 707

You deserved it 5 928

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Jon - 23/05/2011 18:46 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 393

You deserved it 9 424

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 659

You deserved it 9 501

Effective

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - 16/11/2015 06:44 - United States - Arlington

Spicy

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 208

You deserved it 3 482

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 18:26 - Canada - Red Deer

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 922

You deserved it 6 202

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 799

You deserved it 19 597

By alf - 27/10/2008 02:34 - France

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 880

You deserved it 7 257

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 19:44 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 826

You deserved it 6 331

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 372

You deserved it 746

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 20:20 - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 902

You deserved it 6 672

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 307

You deserved it 635

Next

Top comments

emilyyy_fml 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 12:30

that's definitely a good thing, dude

WhatThePhuc 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 6:19

i believe that's a good review, not a bad one

Comments

emilyyy_fml 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 12:30

that's definitely a good thing, dude

teotsi 28

Thursday 24 July 2014 18:17

Maybe he thought that what was drool was her vaginal liquids?

Rubyduby 8

Thursday 28 August 2014 6:43

Definitely not an fml, way to go

WhatThePhuc 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 6:19

i believe that's a good review, not a bad one

Haelous 0

Monday 9 February 2009 21:54

This is the anti-FML.

genius_man16 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:33

Agreed. Really, who would honestly think this is a bad thing?

blah_blah_shity 0

Friday 13 February 2009 4:14

HAHA you whiny terd.

SoFaded80 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 1:00

hahahahahahahahaha

mnkit 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 5:57

i only drool after a rockin ******!

McLaughlane 0

Friday 27 February 2009 10:06

yeah, lol, that was supposed to be a compliment.

samisalsa 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:12

Definitely a compliment!

alplhawolf0019 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 5:41

If by "**** My Life" you mean "**** YES, my life!" then okay. If by "**** my Life" you mean "My life sucks" go to another emocorner, scene kid, because if you're sad about this, you probably don't deserve this. :P lol

omgbeckyyy 0

Friday 6 March 2009 7:33

Yeah, I don't get where the bad part comes in, exactly?

Arj_fml 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 15:26

good job dude!!!! your life isnt ******!!

Keywords

Friends Love Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Work Revenge Parents Relatable Awkward Miscellaneous Weird Health Job interview Social Media Jealousy Facebook Relationship advice AITA Kids Roommate Shoes Annoying Music Names Customers Money Education

The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 857

You deserved it 5 979

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 136

You deserved it 72 915

The Top

Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 990

You deserved it 4 484

Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 973

You deserved it 2 334

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering, "That's what she said!" during the eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 032

You deserved it 3 184

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 886

You deserved it 5 060

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me with more guys than I can count on one hand. I'm not sure what's worse, realizing this only after she's moved in, realizing two of the guys were my close friends, or realizing I'd given up my dream career for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 035

You deserved it 314

Today, I put solar lights in my yard to finally figure out what my dog has been chasing over the fence at night. It's rats. She's been chasing rats that have invaded my backyard every night for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 125