Intimacy: Effective

Effective

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - 16/11/2015 06:44 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 209

You deserved it 3 482

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Same thing different taste

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 309

You deserved it 635

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 708

You deserved it 5 929

By Jon - 23/05/2011 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 394

You deserved it 9 425

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:28 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 238

You deserved it 6 803

Mission successful

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend and I did a 69 for the first time and I was on the bottom. When she orgasmed, not only did she fart, a bit of poo came out with the fart, and actually went up my nose. I’ve gone through a whole box of tissues blowing my nose, but I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 293

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 565

You deserved it 12 434

Girls will be girls

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 735

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 395

You deserved it 5 231

By Charles - 22/02/2009 15:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 532

You deserved it 5 700

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 18:26 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 929

You deserved it 6 204

cdgrayson 21

Monday 16 November 2015 17:31

Damn you must be the shit!

BellaP13 24

Monday 16 November 2015 17:35

It happens. Basically everything tights and then loosens. Don't worry about it she's probably as embarrassed as you

Comments

protoskore 27

Wednesday 18 November 2015 8:04

next time, suggest a b*tt plug. If she doesn't want it, try it yourself - it intensifies the ****** in both genders.

abbey1822 12

Wednesday 18 November 2015 11:48

Should've turned it into a cleveland steamer...

paperbag77 9

Wednesday 18 November 2015 14:30

shit aside you are going to have to keep delivering on the other side of it now !

MossyMegaMan 20

Wednesday 18 November 2015 21:02

Cheers!

BurnInDemonFire 33

Thursday 19 November 2015 19:56

Shit the bed, what the ****?

pranil 14

Thursday 19 November 2015 21:28

yuuuuckk

mmoses12 11

Friday 20 November 2015 6:17

i guess you could say shit happens lol XD

kayev 3

Friday 20 November 2015 18:49

You really jarred something loose there, Tiger. lol

mandyn333 10

Friday 20 November 2015 21:01

I feel really bad for your girlfriend op.

ACCOUNTKILLER 18

Saturday 21 November 2015 5:56

When chicks cum, the muscles don't force down, they're supposed to force together and kind of up. So either she was faking it or forcing it.

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I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 4

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 334

You deserved it 3 581

The Top

Today, I dropped my father-in-law's friend off at the airport, and I got in trouble because he ended up missing his flight. He only missed it because he forgot to check in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 818

You deserved it 804

Today, I made a point of talking to our parachute riggers, and thanking them for all they do. Today is also the first day I had to pull my reserve chute because my main chute didn't open correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 145

You deserved it 1 035

Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 730

You deserved it 2 980

Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 099

You deserved it 106

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 45

Today, I actually had to reassure the girl I'm seeing that she can't "catch" my epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 737

You deserved it 1 722