Health, Drunk and Intimacy: Drunken rampage

Drunken rampage

By Anonymous - 01/08/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 993

You deserved it 71 748

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/02/2013 19:58 - United States - Everett

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 233

You deserved it 8 728

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 04:26 - United States

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 988

You deserved it 6 348

By Darwin_Award_Winner - 07/06/2012 12:10 - United States - Beaumont

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 708

You deserved it 36 296

Itchy and scratchy

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 00:01

Today, it turned out the razor I used for manscaping wasn't as new and sharp as I'd thought. My entire crotch is now overcome with an unfathomable amount of razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 351

Sucker

By BadIdea - 01/03/2012 21:23 - France

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 283

You deserved it 59 641

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 00:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 149

You deserved it 5 981

By davetherave1983 - 09/09/2015 05:09 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 892

You deserved it 5 197

By scaryhairy - 04/11/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 997

You deserved it 5 182

By Anonymous - 02/02/2015 17:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 904

You deserved it 3 249

Slicy slicy

By ChloeLuvzAnime - 30/03/2021 17:01

Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 265

jkemp1984 10

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:02

One word: idiot

plantfood 4

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:02

Skin yourself? Hahaha

Comments

hatepineapple 14

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:17

As long as you didn't shave with the tequila itself, you'll be fine. *Looks at state* Oh, never mind.

SayPeanuts 29

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:18

You totally deserve it. Words don't even describe how moronic that was.

bwenduh45 7

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:19

I recommend putting rubbing alcohol on it. It really helps and the pain means it's working. :)

Pinkmorgan9 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:19

Dumbass hahaha

cm102 3

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:21

Congratulations! Its a girl!

seeunexttuesdays 6

Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:08

Irrelevant much? Lol

cm102 3

Tuesday 2 August 2011 15:38

It made me think of him cutting off his dick and balls, thats why its a girl

suchsmallhands 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:21

I'm a girl and that hurts.

mrfunbun01 1

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:22

That hurts my ball sack just thinkin about it

porkchops878 11

Tuesday 2 August 2011 5:20

140 kph? Fail.

Mario5491 5

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:22

holy shit r u that stupid

Person1233 12

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:25

You sound like you'd make a good politician. At least I think that tequilla is the reason for the decisions being made in the US government.

suchsmallhands 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 1:25

I'm a girl and that hurt.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was scrolling through a more risqué/dark/dirty humor Facebook page. I thoughtlessly set my phone down to help my cousin with a translation for about a minute. When I went to grab my phone, I saw, front and center, a photo edit of Chewbacca with his "lipstick" out. No wonder she kept glancing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 420

Today, as I was trying to impress my girlfriend of three months, I showed her the real diamond ring I'd got for my ex. She got an attitude for our whole three-hour car ride home because I'd brought up my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 1 342

The Top

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 423

You deserved it 4 905

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 062

You deserved it 20 690

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 384

You deserved it 1 488

Today, my brother and I were standing at the baggage claim, waiting for our luggage to come out. We were commenting on all the bags that appeared, and when two large hiking packs came out I exclaimed "What kind of cunts go backpacking in New York?" The old couple standing next to us, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 615

You deserved it 87 238

Today, I went and bought lunch for all the people I work with. The only meal the place forgot was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 331

You deserved it 3 307

Today, a lady threw a coke bottle at my head because she had a non-winning lottery ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 635

You deserved it 2 245