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Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

#21267195
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23178) - you deserved it (3233)

On 09/28/2014 at 6:55pm - love - by superman21 - Ireland

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24225) - you deserved it (2745)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

umerin's comment : I guess an apple a day really does keep the doctor away.

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Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

#21266998
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30688) - you deserved it (4222)

On 09/28/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by jquaw - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML

#21266978
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16514) - you deserved it (23354)

On 09/28/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34257) - you deserved it (2829)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

flufee2's comment : Lets hope he's a totally different guy when he's sober...

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Today, my dad forgot I was on the back of his motorbike. He did a wheelie and I fell off. FML

Today, while running an event, my belt loop got caught in those metal whorls that outdoor chairs have. I couldn't get it undone and had to greet guests by standing up and bringing the chair with me, hanging from my ass. My coworker finally had to cut the belt loop to set me free. FML

#21266851
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23751) - you deserved it (3019)

On 09/28/2014 at 7:40am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I realized how weak I truly am when I tore a muscle in my hand trying to discreetly fix a wedgie. FML

#21266558
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25212) - you deserved it (4790)

On 09/27/2014 at 7:55pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Steve95401's comment : That must have been an atomic wedgie.

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Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. When I happily told my dad, he kept asking if I'd consider taking back my ex. FML

#21266215
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30928) - you deserved it (2726)

On 09/27/2014 at 4:16am - love - by nyx (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got yelled, screamed, and cursed at by a customer until I was reduced to tears. This was all because I double-checked to make sure she wanted large fries. FML

#21266131
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31504) - you deserved it (2877)

On 09/27/2014 at 12:22am - work - by heretoserve (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

#21266104
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29772) - you deserved it (7720)

On 09/26/2014 at 11:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

#21266077
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29024) - you deserved it (2623)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:46pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML

#21266059
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26394) - you deserved it (15883)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:23pm - love - by dumass - United States (Ohio)



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