Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34869) - you deserved it (2280)
On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, as I was walking home, I noticed a man and a woman arguing in their driveway. To avoid an awkward situation, I crossed the street. I then had to walk past a creepy guy watering his plants in his underwear while looking directly at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23820) - you deserved it (3569)
On 06/18/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by ProAwkward - United States (Texas)
Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10017) - you deserved it (28759)
On 06/17/2013 at 8:55pm - work - by awk1 - United States (Georgia)
Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee". I'm the only woman working there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26890) - you deserved it (1457)
On 06/17/2013 at 8:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
↑ BimmerDriver's comment : Welcome to modern society where kindness is frowned upon.
Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35757) - you deserved it (21658)
On 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm - kids - by young grandpa - United States (Georgia)
↑ Lishikitten's comment : Like father, like son.
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34424) - you deserved it (4329)
On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43181) - you deserved it (3745)
On 06/17/2013 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34765) - you deserved it (1976)
On 06/17/2013 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40772) - you deserved it (2038)
On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31242) - you deserved it (9675)
On 06/17/2013 at 9:55am - health - by nomwar (woman) - United States
Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30948) - you deserved it (3899)
On 06/17/2013 at 8:46am - misc - by newyorkers - United States (New York)
Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36653) - you deserved it (7475)
On 06/17/2013 at 1:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27113) - you deserved it (3698)
On 06/17/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by Idontbelieveinmagic (man) - United States (Nevada)
Monday 17 June 2013
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↑ cmayer's comment : Maybe he didn't forget the baby monitor and he was just messing with you.
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