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Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

#21433102
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16787) - you deserved it (1639)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

#21433097
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18249) - you deserved it (1540)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:06am - love - by Waste Someone Else's Time - United States

thejonac's comment : just proves you're making the right decision to break up w him. just dump him via text because he asked for it anyways.

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Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

#21432890
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20144) - you deserved it (3424)

On 06/27/2015 at 3:58pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

TypicalSenpai's comment : Sorry OP, but that's pretty damn genius.

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Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

#21432863
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22869) - you deserved it (1546)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

TypicalSenpai's comment : This actually makes things a lot easier; at least now everyone knows she's a huge bitch. :^)

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Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

#21432853
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21398) - you deserved it (2810)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm - love - by stillhungry - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

#21432849
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24528) - you deserved it (1905)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:29pm - love - by isaidfuckoff (woman) - United States

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

#21432817
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19462) - you deserved it (2065)

On 06/27/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

#21432771
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21771) - you deserved it (2648)

On 06/27/2015 at 11:01am - misc - by anonynous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my parents heard about the decision to make same-sex marriage legal in all states. They're so outraged that they're even talking about getting a house in Canada. They're in for a surprise. FML

#21432698
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24420) - you deserved it (1972)

On 06/27/2015 at 5:38am - misc - by MovingtoCanada (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

#21432649
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22634) - you deserved it (1707)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

#21432636
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20763) - you deserved it (1412)

On 06/27/2015 at 1:48am - work - by *cough* *cough* you're a dickface (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

#21432612
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20082) - you deserved it (1932)

On 06/27/2015 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27135) - you deserved it (1953)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)



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