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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML

#21268173
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7649) - you deserved it (771) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/29/2014 at 11:08pm - kids - by super maman - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

#21267969
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5248) - you deserved it (8098)

On 09/29/2014 at 10:13pm - misc - by KasSmoke - United States (Texas)

Today, same as every other night, I sat in my car outside my home, just to avoid going inside. I live alone. FML

#21267816
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9977) - you deserved it (1594)

On 09/29/2014 at 6:04pm - love - by inmycar - United States (New York)

Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML

#21267748
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21563) - you deserved it (1820)

On 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

#21267650
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23249) - you deserved it (2145)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:48pm - health - by impure - United States

garadan1's comment : Ouch.. Sorry Op! Time to get a new girl?

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Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

#21267623
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20313) - you deserved it (3283)

On 09/29/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

hordriss's comment : Never try to smartass a cop.

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Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20974) - you deserved it (2432)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom got genuinely angry at me because I refused to let her pop a zit that I had "promised" she could pop a few days back. She said with utmost look of disappointment that I'm "not a man of my word". FML

#21267417
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20291) - you deserved it (3230)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:31am - misc - by SystemofaBlink41 (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21541) - you deserved it (2311)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)

Today, I waited for over an hour in a park for a date who didn't show up. I finally left because someone came up to me and accused me of creeping on their kids. FML

#21267321
60 comments

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

#21267195
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21717) - you deserved it (3009)

On 09/28/2014 at 6:55pm - love - by superman21 - Ireland

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22655) - you deserved it (2556)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

umerin's comment : I guess an apple a day really does keep the doctor away.

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Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

#21266998
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29332) - you deserved it (4032)

On 09/28/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by jquaw - Canada (Ontario)



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