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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

#21247337
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5642) - you deserved it (315)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:39pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

#21247278
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5080) - you deserved it (393)

On 08/28/2014 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5164) - you deserved it (373)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

#21246995
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16224) - you deserved it (1180)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:31am - work - by newswithabitofbite (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23534) - you deserved it (2590)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

hellraisedfire's comment : wow. to reject sex because someone doesn't speak Klingon... that's some deep loyalty.

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Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

#21246787
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20794) - you deserved it (1704)

On 08/27/2014 at 10:33pm - kids - by That idiot - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

#21246644
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21892) - you deserved it (3903)

On 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

#21246638
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11616) - you deserved it (25330)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:57pm - misc - by Woops (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

flashback's comment : You sound insane

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Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

#21246633
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24042) - you deserved it (2021)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by nayahbear24 - United States (New Jersey)

omgbrainZ's comment : When she asks you to watch her place, do something like that and just say "oops", again.

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Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away. Now all of his porn subscriptions are getting forwarded to my address. FML

#21246620
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23106) - you deserved it (1817)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:03pm - misc - by dr.mantistobagon (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML

#21246592
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23322) - you deserved it (1901)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23404) - you deserved it (21413)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

#21246563
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25902) - you deserved it (1875)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by leem (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)



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