fidenaut

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

Keep cool

Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years had proposed to his ex a few days behind and she had declined. FML

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for money. I found a rotten apple, a picture of my best friend, and a dead bird. I got $10. FML

Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and told me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML

Today, I got a rose from my boyfriend. The card read, "It's over." FML

Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML