Mr Adelaide, Australia 32 years-old
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML
Today, some friends told me that my natural body odor smells like cooked beef and roasted onions. I'm disgustingly delicious. FML
Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML
Today, I had a planned 12-hour power cut for maintenance work, which I'd forgot all about. In need of a shower before work, I spent 45 minutes boiling pots of water on the stove to take a lukewarm, 6-inch deep bath, before realizing my water heater runs on natural gas and was working fine. FML
Today, I was icing an injured foot with a frozen water bottle as the doctor directed me. When I was done, I picked the bottle up and immediately dropped it on the same injured foot, which is now swollen and bruised. FML
Today, I had a job interview for a job I've been dying to have. As I walked into the office, the manager said, "Aren't you my son's ex, the one he cheated on?" All I could do was sit there quietly as he laughed at me. FML
Today, at breakfast, my sister labelled me a "feminist." My whole family now refuses to talk to me for more than 30 seconds, and acts as though I have an incurable, highly contagious disease. FML
Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML
Today, I bought a new armband to hold my iPhone while working out so I can listen to music and I was excited to start getting in shape. Unfortunately, when I tried it on, my arm was too big and it didn't fit. FML
Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML
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