1known

Anonyme 11 August 2023, 08:20 Quimper, France

Entente cordiale

Aujourd'hui, mes beaux-parents discutent dans la cuisine, sans savoir que j'étais à côté. Ils ont critiqué mes parents sur leur passion pour les voitures, mon frère sur son poste à responsabilité, ma meilleure amie sur ses trois enfants, et moi car je suis tout juste "passable" pour leur fils. Vive les vacances. VDM

7 comments

Anonyme 11 August 2023, 12:20 France

J'ai rien dit

Aujourd'hui, j'ai compris à quel point je fais chier ma famille. On me reproche souvent de ne jamais parler. Je décide donc de parler un peu de ma journée à ma famille pendant le repas, pour au final me prendre un : "Tais-toi, on entend pas la télé." VDM

4 comments

Lili 11 August 2023, 16:20

Tu t'es bien amusé ?

Aujourd'hui, à la fin de sa sieste, j'ai retrouvé mon fils de 18 mois dans son lit, hilare, et couvert de caca de la tête aux pieds. VDM

3 comments

Anonyme 11 August 2023, 16:20 Mundolsheim, France

Aldo la crasse

Aujourd'hui, et toute son adolescence, malgré notre belle salle de bain et tous les produits disponibles, mon fils préfère se parfumer que de se laver. Pour ses copines, VDM

6 comments

Anonyme 5 August 2023, 00:20

Bienvenue chez vous

Aujourd'hui, ma mère récupère sa maison après des mois de loyers impayés et la mauvaise foi des locataires. En arrivant, les locataires sont partis avec tout. La tuyauterie, l'évier, la baignoire, les toilettes, le parquet, et même les portes. Ils lui ont laissé deux choses : une inondation et des trous dans les murs. VDM

13 comments

Bouclette ! This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff Laval, Canada

Bouclage

Aujourd'hui, j'ai laissé mes cheveux bouclés naturels alors que je les aplatis toujours. Mon copain me les a tirés. Il croyait que c'était une perruque. VDM

53 comments

Anonyme 5 August 2023, 10:20

Générosité débordante

Aujourd'hui, mon père m'a reproché d'être ingrate car "sans lui, je n'aurais jamais pu finir mes études." Il n'a jamais rien payé, j'ai eu des bourses, et j'ai travaillé, mais il m'a "tout de même offert 50€ à Noël." VDM

5 comments

Manon 5 August 2023, 12:20 Esbly, France

Crado !

Aujourd'hui, j'ai dû laver les escaliers parce que je les avais apparemment salis et que ma mère venait de les nettoyer. Quand mon père est passé dans les escaliers alors que je finissais la dernière marche, on a pu tous bien constater que c'était lui le fautif, et qu'il venait de tout resalir. VDM

3 comments

Nonoudrey G 5 August 2023, 16:20 🌶️ Spicy

Ça chauffe

Aujourd'hui, avec ma femme, qui est professeur de français, nous nous envoyons des messages coquins. Elle n'a pas arrêté de reprendre mes fautes et donc nous avons fini par faire des cours d'orthographe. VDM

6 comments

Anonymous 16 July 2023, 03:00

Too late

Today, my husband told me he'd changed his mind and no longer wants children. We already have two kids. FML

2 comments

Anonymous 16 July 2023, 06:00 Nampa, United States

Many such cases

Today, the girl I really thought I had feelings for told me she kissed me on the cheek because I’m a sweet person, but she doesn’t want to be my partner. FML

3 comments

NotYourToy This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff Binghamton, United States

Chuds be like that

Today, a customer scared me for the sole purpose of watching my breasts jiggle when I jumped in surprise. I know because his head moved as they did, and he said, "Nice." before walking away. FML

86 comments

Anonymous 16 July 2023, 18:00 Chesterfield, United States

Tasty snack

Today, I showered with my favorite soaps, and I used my favorite perfumes and lotions too. I layered my scents to get a nice fruity, girly scent, which helps boosts my confidence. My husband walked in the bedroom when I was done and said that it smelled like cheesy garlic bread. FML

6 comments

DezyCoCo This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff Penfield, United States

Extreme Couponing

Today, I spent two hours organizing all of my coupons, just to leave out my room for ten seconds to come back to my two-year-old crumbling them up and ripping them. FML

22 comments

Raged af 17 July 2023, 00:02 Miami, United States

Throw away the key

Today, my ex-boyfriend was granted parole, community service, and “rehabilitation” for the crime of breaking into my house, kidnapping my dog and killing her while I was at work, as retaliation for me breaking up with him. FML

8 comments

Anonymous 17 July 2023, 03:00

Grilled

Today, I made several beautiful steaks on the grill, then set them to rest. While I left to use the bathroom, my four year-old decided they looked yucky and poured syrup on them. My wife was too busy giggling and recording it to stop her. FML

4 comments

ashleeylynn This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff United States

Riches to rags

Today, I got mugged. They wanted my phone and wallet. The most important thing in my wallet was my fully punched Smoothie King card. FML

133 comments

Anonymous 17 July 2023, 10:00

Main character syndrome

Today, my dad is in the hospital for heart failure. Almost every single one of my aunts, uncles, and cousins have managed to find a way to make it about themselves for attention. FML

0 comment

Mom 17 July 2023, 15:00

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out

Today, I told my 21 year-old son he either has to break up with his girlfriend, who fills his head with lies about me, or I'd stop speaking to him. He laughed and said he'd fine with us not speaking ever again. FML

10 comments

Anonymous 17 July 2023, 18:00

Kinda is

Today, my blind date got up and left the table before our food had even arrived, saying he wasn't going to bother with me. Apparently bringing my own bottle of ranch for dipping is "weird" now. FML

14 comments

wideawake This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff United Kingdom

Bored

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

58 comments

Valentina 17 July 2023, 22:00

Love is…

Today, my husband hosted dinner tonight and once again made deflating comments and called me “r*tarded sp*c” in front of his friends. They all laughed, while I had a knot in my throat. I have to stay married to him for another year and a half or else I’ll lose my green card and get deported. FML

12 comments

Anonymous 18 July 2023, 00:02 Auckland, New Zealand

Wage slave

Today, I talked to my boss about my pay decrease since switching job locations, and how I feel I should be getting a bit more. Her response? “Absolutely not.” FML

3 comments

mommy2004 18 July 2023, 03:00

Pissed

Today, my nineteen year-old boyfriend dumped me and kicked me out of his place where I was staying. All because my two year-old peed on his couch. FML

7 comments

Need new friends 18 July 2023, 10:00 United States

Great friends

Today, my "friends" showed me a video of them pranking my arachnophobic coworker with a fake toy spider. She cried. I told them very bluntly that they're horrible people and owe her an apology. They responded by getting their mean ass dog to antagonize me. I'm afraid of dogs. FML

4 comments

Abby 18 July 2023, 12:00 Fort Lauderdale, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Caught in 4K

Today, I absentmindedly posted a story of me and my boyfriend to my main stories instead of my “Close Friends” list where my husband is excluded. My husband saw the post. I’m dead. FML

19 comments

Anonymous 18 July 2023, 15:00

Ideas?

Today, my dad told me my pregnancy stretch marks were really bad and unsightly, and that I should probably do something about them, as though there was some miracle cure for them that I’m just too lazy to go and buy from the shops. If this gets published, I expect revenge ideas in the comments. FML

17 comments

Mnnn 18 July 2023, 18:00

Mom! No!

Today, I angrily scolded one of my employees for making an avoidable mistake for the third time. Unfortunately, my mother decided to pay me a surprise visit, and arrived mid-rant. She chewed me out for being mean and made me apologize. Now everyone at work calls me "mama's boy" and nobody takes me seriously. FML

4 comments

mottephobe This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff United States

GET IT AWAY FROM ME!

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

282 comments

Anonymous 19 July 2023, 00:02 🌶️ Spicy

Better call Saul

Today, while I was asleep, my girlfriend squirted a tiny amount of “mild” hot sauce up my pee hole. In an area that sensitive there's no such thing as fucking mild. I’ve had two days off work already because it stings, and I cry every time I have to pee. FML

12 comments