chris931lewis

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

Get on with it

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML

Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML