Today, I went to the physician to check my rear because it was hurting. My usual doctor wasn't available, so he was replaced by a gorgeous woman with big cleavage. when she asked me to pull down my pants, she saw that I had a huge hard on. FML
Today, I managed to fall face-first into a used condom. FML
Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML
Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. FML
Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML
Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML
Today, I found out the little blue thing that my roommate has been sterilizing by boiling in our shared coffee maker, is a menstrual cup. FML
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