MarkBradford

Today, I got a rose from my boyfriend. The card read, "It's over." FML

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

All sexed up

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML