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danmarino 9 March 2009, 23:29 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Sex ed is ******

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled, "What's a clit?" Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to Google it when I got home. FML

191 comments

crazyparents 10 November 2010, 07:12 Australia

Today, my mother keyed my car because I wouldn't invite her into my home and get her a cup of tea, so she could continue screaming that she was going to kill me while I tried to feed my 4 month old daughter. The last time I got her a cup of tea she threw it in my face. FML

245 comments

teach 14 November 2010, 07:31 United States

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad. The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, "I'm sorry. You're not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

121 comments

Anonymous This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff United States

Donut pass Go

Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML

135 comments

Anonymous 2 March 2011, 21:26 United States

Today, I was out skating with a guy I really like. I put on my best moves, to impress him. I ended up slicing his lip open with my skate mid-jump. His lip is now wired shut by twelve stitches. FML

131 comments

elfy2 3 March 2011, 02:49

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

142 comments

Mr. Sensitive Nips 17 March 2011, 22:38 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

318 comments

marie12 27 March 2011, 01:19 Belgium

Bad timing

Today, I had dinner with three friends to forget about the painful break up with my boyfriend. The first friend announced that she and her boyfriend had just bought a house, the second one that he was no longer single, and the third one revealed that she was pregnant. FML

62 comments