The White House, U.S. 31 years-old
Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML
Today, I found out how hard a lemon is to the nuts when being hurled by an angry girlfriend for losing at Wii Sports. FML
Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML
Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML
Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML
Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML
Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML
Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML
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