Miss London, England 33 years-old
Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the Oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML
Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML
Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML
Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML
Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML
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