dorawr

Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

Today, I untied the rope that was tied to my dog's collar because it was wrapped around the tree choking him. He immediately ran off down the street. I had to chase him barefoot in my boxers for 20 minutes till he got tired. FML

Help!

Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

Today, I failed to get my driver's licence. My father was the instructor. FML