Miss In a relationship
Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year-old daughter. I've already had to stop her "re-enactments" twice. FML
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML
Today, our dog peed on nearly all the wrapped gifts under our Christmas tree. FML
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