The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Confused guy · 24 November 2022, 14:00

Not my usual material

Today, my art class had a project where you made a "statue" out of a metal hanger and pantyhose, and paint it. Being the only guy in the entire class and painfully single, I was not aware that pantyhose is so stretchy, so I got annoyed when it ripped. The teacher felt the need to make a huge scene about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799 You deserved it 137

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Cone of STFU · 9 January 2023, 21:00

Poor boy

Today, my recently-neutered dog has to wear the cone of shame for several weeks. The sounds he makes when he's being rambunctious are now augmented even further by the sound of the cone scraping and bashing against everything. I tell you, it's so much more annoying than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799 You deserved it 222

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Anonymous · 5 August 2022, 14:00

Wedding bells

Today, and up until now, I was dating a sweet farmer's daughter, then I put a ring on it, and now I’m engaged to the bride of Chucky. She's pulled wedding magazines out of places I’ve never seen, and has called every female relative she has, twice. Send help, and beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 935

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Anonymous · 30 December 2020, 05:03

He's still right, though

Today, my dad snapped at me for assuming that Eminem was the one to come up with the phrase, “Will the real ___ please stand up?” since that was the only time I’ve heard it. Apparently, I “always assume things are modern”. So I asked him where in fact the phrase came from and guess what? He didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 226

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Anonymous · 5 August 2023, 20:00 ·El Fahs, Tunisia

Reel to real

Today, the date I was supposed to go on got pushed back for a week, because she told me she was too sick to go out. A bit later, she posted a reel of her out with friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 96

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Anonymous · 20 March 2021, 13:59

The '80s called

Today, I received three phone calls and three long and rather monotonous messages on my answering machine. Literally monotonous. As in, repeating the same tone over and over. The caller was a fax machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 103

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Anonymous · 2 May 2025, 12:00 ·Castleford, United Kingdom

Life imitates art

Today, so you know how in the movies there’s a dad who discovers he’s not actually the dad because they had to get a DNA test, and it’s funny because it’s all just a movie. Real life isn’t that funny. My twin boys had to go to hospital for blood tests and so on, and it turns out they’re not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 87

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Anonymous · 20 January 2023, 04:00 ·Australia

They'll be back

Today, it's been about 4 months since my partner and I spent all our savings to open a board game shop. We found that most people were interested in D&D, and so we stupidly decided to put most of our eggs in one basket, and send about 75% of our other stock back. Guess what everyone decided to boycott last week? FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 369

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Anonymous · 29 March 2022, 04:00

Rules and regulations

Today, I moved into a new home with a HOA, and on the first night I received a copy of the HOA rules as thick as a phone book. I already regret moving here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 456

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Anonymous · 28 February 2023, 02:00

Cultural imperialism

Today, my new boyfriend said I’m only allowed three male friends, and their names are, “the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.” When I told him he was quoting Will Ferrell, I realized he was born in Croatia and doesn’t know who that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 214

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Klaus · 2 July 2023, 22:00

Manipulation

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said, "Being loved by you is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I'm so thankful I now know how it feels to be treated with kindness…" Then the word "but" and her abusive, estranged husband's name were uttered in the same sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 157

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anomynous · 5 April 2021, 05:00

Freaked out

Today, my workplace replaced all of the toilets in the store with automatic toilets. I have an anxiety disorder, and I can't use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 399

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WhoopsIDidItAgain · 14 July 2022, 10:00 ·Fremont, United States

The old "It's not you, it's me"

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months decided to end our long-distance relationship out of the blue, because he "lost interest" and "our families don't approve" and "you deserve better than me" and "I'm holding you back." He took my heart and shattered against the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 345

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Anonymous · 6 November 2022, 14:00

Unionize

Today, I have come to the realization that I will likely never be happy at a job. Either it’s low pay, bad work/life balance, racist/homophobic coworkers, or terrible bosses and/or customers. I’ve worked jobs in several different fields and it’s all the same. Yet people say “No one wants to work!” Fuck that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 612

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Moo · 25 May 2022, 14:00

I hate my job

Today, awaiting the end of my shift at a call centre, I received my last call. The caller had a riddle: “What’s a cow’s favorite place to go? The moooo-vies!” He then laughed like a hyena and hung up. I wish I could pay my rent with riddles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 11 September 2019, 14:00

Willpower

Today, I started my new health kick with granola for breakfast, salad for lunch, and hitting the gym after work. I was so proud of myself, until I couldn’t take it anymore and binged at McDonald’s. My health kick lasted 11 hours. FML

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Anonymous · 27 March 2023, 14:00 ·Portland, United States

Nature calls

Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 159

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Anonymous · 20 October 2022, 16:00

What does it all mean?

Today, I once again realized that I have no idea what I am supposed to do in this life, and don't know what to do with myself. I just live because that's the easiest thing to do, and try to entertain myself while searching for meaning. The meaning to my life; what I should pursue. I've been searching for a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 305

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Anonymous · 5 April 2023, 06:00 ·Tempe, United States

Brace yourself

Today, my orthodontist thought it would be a good idea to put braces on the teeth in the very back. One bracket popped off twice, after which he shoved a metal band in my mouth onto one of my teeth, cutting my gums, and causing gushing blood. Now, I can’t eat anything unless it’s baby food and I have a lisp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 130

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Anonymous · 11 April 2021, 00:30 ·Banchory, United Kingdom

Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic

Today, it became apparent that telling your crush you like them isn't worth a response. I mean after all it's not like I'm sitting here not thinking about them and hoping for something to happen. No no, a simple "No thanks" is too much hard work for some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 405

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Anonymous · 21 December 2020, 17:02 ·Australia

One law for me…

Today, I got disciplined for sleeping on night shifts, by my boss, who also sleeps on night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 406

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PetNameNoy · 8 May 2021, 23:59

Love is love

Today, my girlfriend is giving me the silent treatment and is making me sleep on the couch, all because I said I loved my best female friend. I meant loved like family. She still won’t hear me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 807

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Anonymous · 11 February 2021, 23:01 ·Germany

Partaaaaaaaay !

Today, being unemployed and under lockdown, my idea of a party is driving to the dentist and turning the sound system up in my car. FML

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Anonymous · 28 September 2023, 04:00 🌶️ Spicy

Permission granted and rejected

Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 154

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Anonymous · 18 June 2023, 15:00

Entitled

Today, I know my ex has spoiled our daughter. How do I know this? Because I got her a low level job at the same company as me, got her first paycheck and legit asked me, “Is that it? Where’s the rest of my money?” What rest of her money? That’s her wages for a months work. Curse my rich ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 228

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FalkensLabyrinth · 4 February 2021, 01:57 ·Gardner, United States

Tact

Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML

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Anonymous · 1 September 2023, 22:00

Haunting

Today, an ambulance took away the woman from next door. I thought that the flat was empty since I’d never seen her, but turns out she’d been dead for 2 years. She died in bed, meaning every time I went to sleep in my bed she was only 2 feet away on the other side of the wall. I’m now super creeped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 179

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Renee Simard · 18 September 2021, 23:00

Push through the pain barrier

Today, despite being unable to stand for more than a few minutes at a time or walk farther than a few hundred feet, the doctor told me to begin doing 30 minutes of non-stop exercise everyday. He literally said, “Don’t stop for 30 minutes every day.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 221

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Anonymous · 1 December 2022, 22:00 ·Dresden, Germany

High risk

Today, I unthinkingly did something dangerous and now I have a painful kink in my neck. What dangerous thing did I do? I yawned. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 114

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Seriously · 8 January 2023, 18:00 ·United States

Wait til you're 50

Today, I've reached the age where I get really dizzy and my vision blurs if I stand up too fast. I'm 19 years-old. FML

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