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The all-time greatest FMLs

Some friend

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 02:02

Today, I got fired from my job after I wouldn’t lend my friend $1000. How? She retaliated by taking time out of her hands to compile screenshots of all my Facebook posts about talking shit about my boss and coworkers and e-mailing them to our corporate e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 1 585

The cat's out of the bag

By Anonymous - 29/11/2022 18:00 - Philippines

Today, my Dad found out that like anime and I that actually collect anime figurines. I wanted to hide my hobbies from my parents, but he found out. Luckily he didn't mind the fact that I have this kind of hobby, but he went on to share the fact that I have "this kind of hobby" to our relatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 338

Hurry up!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 02:02

Today, my wife told me not to rush her during packing for our upcoming move. She's lived in the house for 30 years and apparently needs to reminisce over every single item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 316

Kinda sus

By Forgotten fiancee - 16/02/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancé is more invested in getting his lingerie and tattoo-clad friend on the cover of Inked Magazine than help plan our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 205

Autobodyshaming

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 16:59

Today, I'm officially fat enough I have to lift my belly out of the way to get to my zipper when I need to pee in public toilets. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 566

Life doesn't imitate art

By Anonymous - 02/02/2022 10:59 - France

Today, I realized I hate my life now. Everything changed. My friends changed. I don't like Paris. It's cold and lonely. It's nothing like Emily in Paris. I'm overstressed with uni and my future. I want a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 555

Pseudoscience [gone sexual!!]

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 18:01

Today, I went to a chiropractor and got a membership just because I was desperate to be touched by a man after being single for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 337

Get a second opinion

By Anonymous - 31/08/2023 16:00 - Australia

Today, I saw my specialist and I told her that one of my medications is messing with my head too much. I said that it’s making my depression so bad I have started cutting again, and want to walk in front of a truck. They said I just have to "suck it up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 145

Climate change? What's that?

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 21:30

Today, our bathroom is so cold that my shea butter and homemade coconut oil toothpaste are too hard to get out of the jar. Yes, that’s the same room I get naked in twice a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 231

Blackout

By Anonymous - 05/11/2022 06:00

Today, after sexting with my wife for the whole day, I came home to a dark house due to a blackout. Being horny, I went in and started humping her from the back. She screamed. It was my mom who came to supply candles during the blackout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 2 575

Eww! Cleanliness!

By Anonymous - 22/11/2022 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got looked at weirdly for brushing my teeth in an airport bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 483

Bad trip

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I had to accept that my anxiety affects me 24/7, even when while I'm sleeping. I genuinely can't remember the last time I had a pleasant dream after falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 118

Been around the world and I I I, I can't find my suitcase

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 16:00

Today, I arrived home after taking one airplane from A to B. My luggage never made it on the plane with me, and now the airline is looking for it. One plane and still lost my suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 108

Fatherly pride

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 14:01

Today, my wife insisted we start a college fund for our son, even though from where we were sat in the kitchen, we could clearly see him eating ice cream he'd just dropped on the floor, while picking at his belly button. He’s 13. College, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 407

Dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 04:00

Today, I went through the stuff that I'd left at my ex’s place and started unpacking it. I found a pair of another girl's panties. We broke up a little over a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 171

Paging Sigmund Freud

By Anonymous - 13/04/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend, who used to have the sex drive of a rabbit on Viagra, has recently lost all interest. It turns out that because her dad finally approves of me, she’s no longer interested in me. Apparently she only lusted after me when her dad didn’t like me, so now I’m of no interest to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 131

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 138

Can't be unseen

By my poor eyes - 15/02/2021 23:01 - United States - Danville

Today, I found out the hard way that my 74-year-old dad sometimes wakes up early and washes dishes. Sounds great, except sometimes he likes to do so with nothing on from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 100

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 11:01 - United States

Today, I finally left a one-star review for my doctor’s office. I mentioned my doctor was epic, but called them out on their poor billing practices. I got a call saying my awesome doctor actually owns the clinic. My next appointment is going to be so awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 360

Teaser

By Frustrating - 21/07/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my wife spent the entire evening grabbing my crotch, whispering dirty things to me, and telling me how horny she was, right up until the kids went to bed. Then, it was, "Baby, I just want cuddles, I don't feel like sex" and pouting. This happens at least three times a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 159

Woof!

By NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - 23/01/2023 08:30 - United States

Today, I was walking to my room. My friend's dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 161

By azerty - 10/02/2012 10:50 - Sweden

Today, it’s exam day in Sweden. Yesterday, I prepared three fountain pens and six cartridges. The exam starts. Suddenly, I’m stressing out: my pens had frozen during the night. Thanks, sub-zero conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 104

Works with podcasts as well

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 08:00 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I realised I get really attached to characters in long-running TV shows, because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 173

Take this seriously!

By Anonymous - 24/02/2023 06:00

Today, I got the hiccups while my dad was yelling at me. He then said, “You’d better stop hiccuping or I’m gonna kick your ass!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 137

People don't always get sarcasm

By Martin - 15/03/2021 17:00

Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 1 220

Dragons aren't real

By IHaveThePower - 12/10/2022 14:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I had to explain to two different educated adults - one with an IT background and one pure maths Master - that dystopian literature is not an accurate historical record of the Middle Ages. Somebody get STEM majors some humanities… FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 170

Oh bless, sweet summer child

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 14:00

Today, my sister-in-law and I discussed what men like our husbands do at a bachelor party. I thought of beer, sports, and a strip club. Her version included church, wrestling (she believes they're former high school athletes), and sleeping together in the den (they’re 28 and in his own home). She was offended by my answers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 149

Been there, done that

By lukey101 - 14/08/2023 10:00 - Australia

Today, I finally got home after driving solo for 4 full days across Australia. I left my house keys where I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 259

Caturday treat!

By Smarty Cat - 29/10/2022 18:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I watched as my friend played dead to see how her cat would react. She got upset when he just sniffed her hand and walked away. I tried to explain to her that he was smart enough to figure out she was faking it, but I got called a "know-it-all." Jeez, sorry that cats are more intelligent than you thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 155

Leave me alone!

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 06:00

Today, it's exactly 3 months since I ended my engagement. I'm STILL seeing ads for rings everywhere - because before I realized I deserved better, I was googling to buy my own engagement ring. I'm happy with my decision and have moved on, but the internet refuses to let it go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 201

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The Top

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 141

You deserved it 57 683

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 006

You deserved it 5 665

Today, I was trying to do a nice thing and let my friend's mom borrow my car. I went to move my mom's car that was parked behind me so that I could get my car out, and then proceeded to back into my dad's new company car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 650

Today, I got a bouquet of beautiful flowers from someone I'd never heard of. My boyfriend flipped his shit and stormed out, calling me a cheater. I called the flower shop. Turns out he made a fake order, just so he could accuse me of cheating and dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 103

Today, I got told by the doctor that my aching knees indeed have advanced arthritis, meaning I'm grinding bone on bone 24/7. At 49, I'm "relatively young," meaning they want me to survive for as many years as I can before they'll replace them. Never mind that I've already been in agony for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 79

Today, my younger brother broke his Switch in a fit of gamer rage. When my dad refused to buy him a new one, he had a massive tantrum. Later, he dunked mine in the toilet since it "wasn't fair" that I still had a Switch and he didn't. My parents beat him, but they won't buy me a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 82