The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Anonymous · 3 July 2022, 16:00 ·Spartanburg, United States

Not so Easy Rider

Today, I put the key in my motorcycle but there was no power, so I pushed it to the road and tried to roll-start it down the hill. Pushed back up the hill. Jump started it and took off. Had to push it back up the hill. I change the battery to find out that the electrics are shorted out. I don't have another vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789 You deserved it 147

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Anonymous · 1 July 2023, 15:00 ·Australia

Broke

Today, a lady I know gave my 3 year-old daughter a little coin purse, saying, "Your mum can put some money in that for you." My daughter responded, "But mummy has no money." I would have laughed, had it not been spot on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 139

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scar face · 20 April 2023, 06:00

Al Pacino

Today, and for the last year, I have a disfiguring scar on my nose that I’m very self conscious about. My 4 year-old niece recently noticed it. Now every time she sees me she leans in real close and says, “What’s wrong with your face?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 86

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Anonymous · 30 January 2021, 16:58

Ungrateful

Today, even though I help cook and clean on a daily basis, I got called lazy and told I don't do anything around the house. I live with my parents and twin 18-year-old brothers and they all say this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 141

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Anonymous · 30 September 2022, 15:30

Cute, but stressful

Today, I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. I still can't work up the courage to tell him I love him. I've been bursting to tell him for 4 months, but for some reason I can never seem to get the words out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 415

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CatchingUp · 20 October 2022, 06:00 ·Waurn Ponds, Australia

There's a party in my pants!

Today, my period came two days late. After fretting for two days, my body made it up to me by sticking three days of symptoms in one day. I needed Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Scotch, and cuddles before I got any relief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 149

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Ramb0 · 21 December 2019, 01:00 ·Christchurch, United Kingdom

By singing

Today, I was headbanging so hard to a song in the shower that I hit my head on the wall and got a concussion. I'm now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 2 200

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Al · 20 November 2024, 03:00 ·United States

Not now!

Today, I told my wife I had a huge Zoom interview and could not be disturbed under any circumstances. Nevertheless, she called her mom, got into a screaming argument the interviewer could clearly hear, then came into my office to cry on my shoulder. She doesn't understand why I'm furious with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 104

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Anonymous · 27 November 2022, 04:00 ·Australia

Social parasites

Today, I was rejected from the 25th rental I applied to in the last two months. I give up. Guess I'm stuck living with my mother forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 138

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Anonymous · 25 June 2022, 04:00 ·United States

Bad trip

Today, I had to accept that my anxiety affects me 24/7, even when while I'm sleeping. I genuinely can't remember the last time I had a pleasant dream after falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 118

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Anonymous · 17 February 2021, 08:01

Karen strikes again

Today, at work as a manager at pizza place, I got yelled by a customer because they got one fewer paper plates than they asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 126

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Anonymous · 30 June 2022, 00:00

Don't know, don't care

Today, I called my mom to let her know that my father, her ex-husband, suffered a series of mini strokes. Her reply was essentially, "Oh that sucks. Are you still taking your grandmother to lunch sometime this week?" Dad lives halfway across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 180

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Anonymous · 11 February 2023, 16:00

Been around the world and I I I, I can't find my suitcase

Today, I arrived home after taking one airplane from A to B. My luggage never made it on the plane with me, and now the airline is looking for it. One plane and still lost my suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 108

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Ryan McArdle · 25 January 2021, 10:58

What did I do?

Today, I tried to log into Instagram for the first time in 2 days. They deactivated my account for violating their guidelines. I haven't posted a picture or made a comment in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 145

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Anonymous · 22 March 2021, 21:30 ·United States

Always carry around a pencil with you

Today, while at work, I took one of the biggest dumps I've taken in my life. The turd was so big, I took a pencil and chopped it into small pieces because I was afraid it would clog up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 249

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Anonymous · 26 March 2021, 02:02

Some friend

Today, I got fired from my job after I wouldn’t lend my friend $1000. How? She retaliated by taking time out of her hands to compile screenshots of all my Facebook posts about talking shit about my boss and coworkers and e-mailing them to our corporate e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 1 586

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Anonymous · 14 November 2023, 16:00

Confidence

Today, the first word out of my date's mouth was, “So, how much money do you make?” That was it. No hi, how are you, or what do you do for fun, or do you prefer cats or dogs, just straight to, “How much money do you make?” Gold-digging timewaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 113

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TheTruthFairy2023 · 1 January 2023, 21:00 ·Andover, United Kingdom

A method to her madness

Today, I made it all the way up the stairs without collecting up all the shit my wife had left there during the morning. Instead of rewarding me for not falling over it, she cursed me for not understanding her puzzling redistribution system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 265

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Rob · 3 October 2022, 11:00 ·Saint Cloud, United States

It's been a while…

Today, I realized that every other targeted ad I see is for some sort of dating app. I've been single on and off for 5 years now, and it's starting to get to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 18 January 2023, 22:00 ·Riverside, United States

Vicious circle

Today, just like every other night, I can't sleep. even after taking prescription sleep medication, all because my anxiety won't let me sleep. Why do I have anxiety? Because I don't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 165

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Anonymous · 28 December 2020, 20:02 ·London, United Kingdom

Golden child

Today, my mum went and told everyone she only went to the doctor after being ill because my brother told her to. It was me who'd been telling her for weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 113

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Anonymous · 6 May 2021, 16:59

Autobodyshaming

Today, I'm officially fat enough I have to lift my belly out of the way to get to my zipper when I need to pee in public toilets. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 568

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Anonymous · 22 July 2021, 18:01

Pseudoscience [gone sexual!!]

Today, I went to a chiropractor and got a membership just because I was desperate to be touched by a man after being single for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 338

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Leah · 4 February 2022, 00:01 ·Queens Village, United States

Fundies do the darndest things

Today, my home health aide doused me with what she considered to be Holy Water. It was bottled water. Turns out she was having a meltdown. It's a freezing day in New York City. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 105

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anon · 31 October 2022, 10:00

Foreshadowing

Today, I overheard my girlfriend talking to her friends, saying the most attractive guys are tall and dark-skinned. I'm about average height and pale. Uh-oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 137

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Anonymous · 17 November 2022, 16:00

Alexa, play "Common People" by Pulp

Today, it’s been a few months since I moved into my first house and apparently I know nothing about being an actual adult. I keep getting everything wrong or messing up. I just want to move back in with my dad and pay him rent again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 497

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Anonymous · 22 November 2022, 04:00 ·United Kingdom

Eww! Cleanliness!

Today, I got looked at weirdly for brushing my teeth in an airport bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 484

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO · 23 January 2023, 08:30 ·United States

Woof!

Today, I was walking to my room. My friend's dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 161

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fgs · 29 November 2020, 23:01

In the zone

Today, after joking with the guy I've been talking to for 8 months about his plans for my birthday, he told me he didn't want to 'lead me on' and wants to stay friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 218

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Anonymous · 5 June 2022, 12:00

Heavy duty

Today, my husband has destroyed 4 mattresses in 6 years, not through accidental fires or anything, not even through vigorous sex, it’s just that his 24-stone bulk crushes the springs, wears divots in the memory foam, and eventually splits the fabric so the stuffing leaks out. Every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787 You deserved it 222

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