Today, I'm visiting my wife's home country for the first time. To avoid the spicy street food, I bought something labelled "Fruit salad" from a street vendor. I didn't know even Pakistani fruit salad can be very spicy too. FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, we're visiting my wife's extended family. They're nice people but they eat like crap; I haven't had a single fresh vegetable or fruit in days, and everything they cook is overcooked and smothered in cheap sauce or "seasonings." My stomach is about to go on strike. FML
Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML
Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it. FML
Today, thanks to my wife’s obsession with expensive foods like chutney, relishes, exotic spices, and preserved foreign vegetables and herbs, I'm literally staring into a fridge full of glass jars, with a door that barely stays closed, and yet has nothing inside suitable to eat for my dinner. FML
Today, trying to prove I can handle things solo while my wife is away. I packed my kid’s lunch, dropped him at school, and felt very accomplished… until the teacher emailed me a picture of the lunchbox. I had packed my own leftover spicy curry instead of his sandwich. Apparently, “It was too spicy but also kind of good.” FML
Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me over to her family’s house for dinner. Every dish was packed with onion, garlic, pepper, and some spices I couldn’t even identify. I couldn’t actually taste the meat or the side dishes. All the nuance had been obliterated. I think they might not have taste buds. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, my mother-in-law had concealed in her suitcase a kitchen knife and plastic bags of MSG, salt, and other seasonings (AKA unidentified white powder) because she doesn’t trust foreign food, and wanted to cook her own food on holiday. Airport security were not amused and we missed our flight. FML
Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML
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Top comments
ajh1800 25
Since your wife is from there, why not just tell her you don't like spicy food and ask her what you'll be able to eat instead of just guessing?
julfunky 29
If asking what food isn’t spicy is considered imposing then he’s in the wrong relationship.
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Comments (9)
ajh1800 25
Since your wife is from there, why not just tell her you don't like spicy food and ask her what you'll be able to eat instead of just guessing?
Gerardo Gonzalez 1
he doesnt want to impose on his wife and accidentally make her think he doesnt like her home country
julfunky 29
If asking what food isn’t spicy is considered imposing then he’s in the wrong relationship.
RichardPencil 32
And tomorrow, your butthole is going to learn that lesson, too.
bloopaloop 27
They have great bacon there. It’s not spicy at all!
Shabnam Moghal 14
Hi OP. Pakistani here. Please don't eat anything being made on the streets. Drink only bottled mineral water. Please also talk to your wife about your spicy food problem. She'd probably much rather know about it so she can be careful and help prevent you becoming sick. Have a safe healthy holiday.
kdmittens 9
yes we have a masala for fruits as well.. its called chaat masala :p next time ask them to not put it on your fruit salad although i would strongly advice you to eat home cooked food street food is not good for the stomach of locals as well
Jonkbaby 23
look up Pakistani street food on the ol' google