The Top

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By kimos - 10/05/2009 14:10 - Canada

Today, I poured myself some punch into a mug I have sitting on a shelf at my studio. Upon tipping it upside down to swallow the last few delicious drops, I see a cluster of mouse droppings stuck to the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 145

You deserved it 21 694

kimos tells us more.

kimos 0

Monday 11 May 2009 2:59

Yup. This was stupid on my part. It was at my ceramics studio where we apparently now have mice. It's a brown mug that I keep in my work area. I should have thought to clean it before I drank but I didn't. Gross.

By Anonymous - 02/07/2012 07:23

Today, I had my end of year physics exam. I wasn't sure about some stuff, so I hid my notes and textbook in the bathroom. Halfway through, I got up, went to the bathroom, and as soon as I picked up the book, forgot what I was looking for. I can't even cheat right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 780

You deserved it 53 417

By sharkgirl4 - 25/08/2014 16:17 - United States - Rialto

Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard off and was trying to unscrew the blades, when my roommate decided it'd be funny to plug it in. The blades sliced into my thumb. I need stitches, and he still thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 112

You deserved it 4 402

By WTF - 26/10/2010 16:55 - United States

Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 990

You deserved it 4 493

By xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx - 24/11/2009 10:04 - Singapore

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 926

You deserved it 5 847

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 10:00

Today, I noticed some of my thongs were stretched out and now hung loose on my hips. I thought it might be the dryer set too hot but no, apparently my mom has been wearing them over her fat ass, and thought I wouldn’t mind since we occasionally share our hoodies. Not the same thing mom. GROSS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 139

By stutterboy - 11/06/2013 20:36 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I was giving a presentation to my college class. I've had a natural stutter my whole life, so I stuttered through the whole thing. My professor tried to hold in her laughter for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 289

You deserved it 2 762

Help yourself

By AshamedDaughter - 17/08/2011 07:14 - Canada

Today, my Dad and I went to McDonald's, only to have him shove two handfuls of sugar packets into the bag. He said, "If it's for free, why only take one?" To make it worse, my crush was at the till, watching what was happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 659

You deserved it 3 785

Missing out

By Not stonks - 05/07/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, my workplace is doing a "time and a half" day for the Fourth of July. Take a wild guess at who is the only employee who's not scheduled to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 180

By Mumbling Mutt101 - 15/08/2011 06:23 - Australia

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 491

You deserved it 5 891

YouTuber brain

By Anonymous - 24/03/2022 00:01

Today, I accidentally deleted my YouTube account because I was trying to eliminate distractions from school. My dumb self eventually realized all I had to do was stop uploading, and return to it during my vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 1 067

By bcoper - 25/06/2012 16:09 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, my neighborhood had its annual summer barbecue, and I ended up showing a little boy who lives down the street how to hit a baseball. When I gave him back his bat so he could try for himself, he swung it into my shin and yelled, "Tag! You're it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 294

You deserved it 2 634

By shs - 21/10/2010 19:43 - United States

Today, I found out the memory card our engagement photos were taken on has been corrupted, so all the images are lost. The guy who took the pictures said that this has never happened to him in the eight years that he's been a photographer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 098

You deserved it 3 284

shs_fml tells us more.

shs_fml 0

Friday 22 October 2010 17:28

actually the technician the photographer works with determined that it may take 4 months to recover them. there's no guarantee that it would actually work though and it's extremely expensive.

Surpriiiiiiise…

By Anonymous - 13/05/2022 12:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 810

Profit!

By rewarded - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, for the second time in 5 months, I was recognized for my hard work, sincerity, and all the adjectives that they use to describe good employees. What was my reward? A piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 122

You deserved it 4 731

Modern life is rubbish

By Anonymous - 18/05/2022 22:00

Today, despite the fact of learning I'm now over 300 pounds, causing a major blow to my self-esteem, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband if he wanted a blowjob. Unfortunately, he's trying out new mental meds and they've killed his sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 567

Blast from the past

By Musicfan - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car was broken into, and they stole all my CDs, but left my daughter's Black Eyed Peas CD behind. I'm pretty pissed about the theft, but almost glad to see that the delinquents in my town have a decent taste in music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 033

You deserved it 4 531

By Brian - 04/05/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 554

You deserved it 64 606

By Fennec - 11/08/2014 19:05 - France - Paris

Today, my coworkers and I were comparing the backgrounds we have on our phones. They pretty much sum up our love lives; everyone else's background is a photo of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Mine's a photo of a lifeless desert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 537

You deserved it 4 892

By Anonymous - 01/06/2013 20:50 - United States

Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 070

You deserved it 4 419

By Lootz - 03/05/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both drunk. We went into the bathroom, she started to give me head. After about 30 seconds the song changes and she jumps up and goes out to dance, leaving me there. Door open. Penis out. It was the song she requested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 423

You deserved it 20 177

It wasn't me!

By cantwin - 31/05/2013 13:54 - Belgium - Zwevegem

Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 517

You deserved it 3 722

By the critic - 18/06/2012 10:22 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 391

You deserved it 6 039

Backstabbing

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was chilling with my best friend and suddenly I got a text from my ex saying he wanted me back. My best friend saw the text and said, "Don't go back with him, you deserve better." I wanted to go back with him but I didn't. Later, I saw them hanging out and turns out they're dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 154

By mystery - 17/06/2012 02:08 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 775

You deserved it 2 397

Feeling dumb?

By BadatDIY - 16/11/2009 14:04 - United Kingdom

Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 986

You deserved it 27 737

By Anonymous - 05/08/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 896

You deserved it 2 750

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:46 - United States

Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 038

You deserved it 3 106

By ihasnoafroanymore - 10/06/2019 12:05

Today, I was working at my job at a McDonald's. I was on my break, so I went to use the restroom. When I finished, I tried to open the door, but the lock broke. I was stuck in the basement bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 177

Scammed

By Username - 04/08/2011 09:15 - United States

Today, my twit of a husband admitted to falling for an internet scam involving a dead foreign politician, the promise of a share in millions of dollars currently stuck in a bank, and him having wired a large amount of our money to "bribe an official". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 825

You deserved it 4 929

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The Top

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 930

You deserved it 2 913

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 195

You deserved it 6 886

Today, the police stopped me for "driving irresponsibly" in the snowy conditions. After the 'lecture', they went to pull off in their Ford Focus Estate. Managing to go forward, they then hit a patch of ice and slid back. Instead of breaking or turning, they let it slide back into the front of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 968

You deserved it 2 305

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 015

You deserved it 3 015

Today, I dislocated my big toe doing a stupid stunt to impress a woman, who turned out to be married anyway. The toe won’t go back in, so the doctor thinks it might need a surgical fix. I don’t have insurance so this is going to be fucking expensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 1 509

Today, although I received a good grade for my science project, it was disqualified for the science fair that I'd hoped to enter. A beautiful scale model of our solar system was ruined by the Cro-Magnons in one of the other classes; I found pieces of it scattered all over the classroom. The teacher did nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 93