Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML
Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML
Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML
Today, as I was going to check the mail, a huge dog ran into my house. The closest room with a door was the bathroom so I slammed myself inside and screamed for help. We live far from any neighbors and my phone was outside, so there was no hope of rescue. It paced outside the door for four hours. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, I was frantically woken up from a nap by my son who was scared because there was a dog in the house. We don't own a dog. It was the new neighbor's dog. When my son opened the door to go play outside, the dog came barreling in. My kid and cats were terrified. FML
Today, I got basically raided by Child Welfare on very true reports I left a 4 month-old boy home alone with just water. The boy in question is my dog. FML
Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML
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Top comments
BBGxBlondie 6
You know what else is funny? That I'm one of the people that thumbed down your comment. AHAH.
Bijaglo 3
Smart dog..
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Comments (130)
ConnorBrown36 5
awk
Bijaglo 3
Smart dog..
xoconnie 8
whaaaat? i dont get it. dogs cant say 'help'......................... ?
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
They can't. The dog was making noises that, according to OP's neighbours, sounded like a kid calling for help
CowOven 7
I don't really see an FML here... o_O
nadyy14 8
your neighbours are crazy
EvilPotato 15
that's BS!
juicedboi 7
At least your neighbors would act f something was happening. Assuming they army batshit crazy, and pay for the broken window, I would consider this a plus.
xaxers 3
They didn't call emergency services when they thought a child needed help so urgent that breaking and entering wasn't a problem. That's retarded or crazy.
theten_fml 9
Best thing to do: don't say anything about your dog and make them pay for damages
xoconnie 8
oh thanks #10?
xoconnie 8
that wasnt supposed to be a question mark.
xoconnie 8
after thinking about it, maybe ur neighbors were trying to steal stuff from ur house! and then just blamed it on childrens voices! make sure all ur valuables and crap are still there. :0
Jvr91 8
No no no OP your neighbor Michael Vick knew it was a dog he just told you he thought it was a kid so he didn't seem like he was trying to steal your dog!
Andrew1122 0
Neighbours? I thought it was neighbors
Keyman1212 14
Hey, Andrew with a picture of someone who isn't him, but you tried to crop it to look like it's you, not everyone who posts on here is from America, dumbass. And even if they are, they are free to spell it in the way that British/The Colonies spell it.
feistylovee 4
hahaha keyman that's so true. it's like the word color the British spells it like colour.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Grammar*
cldean24 4
Ummm, he wasn't rude about the spelling. Why are you guys so upset?
AlvinToh 5
The Rise Of The Planet Of The Dogs.
Neorecon19 18
I smell some lawsuits being filed!
neonblue120 6
Most people are model material photoshop does wonders to warp people's standards of beauty.
FarSide 23
WTF? I don't know who... but you or your neighbors are a little "off center".
Friaza 29
Thanks OP! Next time we have a neighbor with a dog and want a cookie we have an excuse to go get it!
Keyman1212 14
#96, his photo is of Boston rapper Sammy Adams. If you like rap, I'd say check him out. I really like him a lot. Kinda pop-rap, but he has a really tight flow on some of his mixtapes.
unluckydude100 7
Got any tips?
amit93 4
U taught ur dog to talk
anorexicbarbie 8
Why yes OP did teach their dog how to talk. Anything else you want to point out that's obvious?
PancakesEqualLov 0
Apparently you weren't taught to spell.
slitherbomb 0
Yeah, I taught my dog to call me "Daddy" so whenever I am about to give it food or something, it has to call me daddy first.
amit93 4
Lol i forgot the question mark at the end
imthatguythatdid 0
This is the internet, not a ******* english class. Enough with the ******* grammer nazi's
marinus_fml 20
It's funny because I'm the neighbor that did this to you!
BBGxBlondie 6
You know what else is funny? That I'm one of the people that thumbed down your comment. AHAH.
cdbank3 0
hahahaha
immajblover 0
Uh no your not.
Saltime 0
92 - Haha, you like BJs.
nixter5 18
He probably likes giving BJ's too...
JTHolloway200 0
I've heard that to many times now...
vbmg152 19
Not funny anymore, been done too many times!
ollie179 21
You taught your dog to say help?
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
every1luvsboners, I've been meaning to ask you this for a while, but what on earth is up with your picture?
ollie179 21
That's my pig George. George is dead now though...
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
thats strange, I thought I was able to reply to the right person... I'm sorry to hear about your pig. I love pigs too :/
GardeningHoes 0
There's no time, like beggin' time
marybowen 3
i am so sorry :( i love the animal pig :))) i dont eat pigs :)) poor piggy
DropTheDaggerxx 31
I don't think a dog can say "help", well enough for someone to recognize hearing it a distance, anyway. I took it as the dog was whimpering and crying and the neighbors thought it was a child.
YacL 15
Whoa, this made me think of Scooby Doo for some reason.
mackop 0
maybe because scooby can talk?
MrPositive 0
You taught your dog to "talk"? That's "awesome"!
valdancer99 0
Your dog has evil revenge.
lalagurl11 6
Why are you repeating, why are you repeating, why ate you repeating, why are you repeating !!?!!?!?!!!??!?
MrPositive 0
Don't spam post
MrPositive 0
Don't spam post
DKParth13 5
wow you guys are really dumb fo real!!
valdancer99 0
Your dog has evil revenge.
valdancer99 0
Your dog has evil revenge.