Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML
Today, was parent appreciation day at my daughter's KG class. On the stage, each child was asked to define each parent in one word. When it was my daughter's turn, she looked at me hard, thinking. Finally, in the end she said, "My daddy is very fat." Everybody stared. FML
Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML
Today, my son was looking through old photos and showed me a picture of myself and asked who it was. When I told him it was me, he responded by saying "But mommy, the lady in the picture is not fat!" FML
Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML
Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML
Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML
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Top comments
LQwhatitdew 0
Kinda figured you were the mother in this scenario when you started with "Today, my 4 year old son.. " The last sentence was unnecessary ankindadredundant, don't't you think?
surferchick96 0
kids say the darndest things xD
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Comments (91)
airball33 0
Ouch. Well not much to say there
flakes_fml 0
LOL
Eyou 0
LOL i guess you weigh more than 10 000 cows :)
the_pan1c 5
all we can say is lose the weight fattass!!!
Sonfang 19
Eh don't worry Op kids rarely mean what they say, especially at that age. =^_^= I'm sure you're not fat, you're just bigger than your son. So what if your husband can not lift you, that cab possibly reflect on his strength. Besides it's obvious from the many thousands of cows your son thinks his daddy can lift that he's quite imaginative, encourage him to express it. Lol, have a nice day.
Sonfang 19
*can (sorry grammar/spelling Nazis)
lizzilla8297 2
lolololol
sloppyflow 1
guess ur husband been talking to ur kid behind ur back
WillyThaKid 0
Is it wrong that i want to pick you up now?... Who else can say they can deadlift more than 10,000 cows!! only me!!
surferchick96 0
kids say the darndest things xD
xXSweetNightmare 0
They do, don't they? x]
crashtest1205 0
I read your comment, then I read it again because you double posted, enough said :P
jakii_ 0
my little brother told his preschool teacher Dad farts all the time.
WillyThaKid 0
This isn't about you!! Attention *****!!!!
xGet_Over_It 0
This is stupid.
jocelyng_fml 0
I read this and than looked at your picture... enough said
sammy432 0
^Agreed
xGet_Over_It 0
There's a difference between "then" and "than." Just saying~
goldiefox 0
haha your picture is great! spongebob all the way dude!
goldiefox 0
you sir. or ma'am have a pretty darn amazing picture!
skyttlz 32
Spongebob is my favorite show
jocelyng_fml 0
I accidentally clicked a I'm sorry but I do love your pic if it sounded like I didn't
xGet_Over_It 0
Yes, because A and E are so close to each other on a keyboard :P It did sound like you didn't like my picture, which is fine with me. I just wanted to point out your error so that you don't make the same mistake later on~
DeadPixel4 29
#68, you're a total jackass.
gothicvamp98 0
Lmao burned by the 4 year old
sammy432 0
u mean 5 year old
friday170 0
no it's a 4 year old lol fail...
Randen_fml 0
well your the biggest cow, do something about it.
missrawrzy 0
some people can't lose weight no matter what they do
averageirishman 0
everybody hates you.
Randen_fml 0
poor fatties are butt hurt Because of my comment.
missrawrzy 0
yea u knw wat the funny thing is? that you have no way of knwing wether I'm fat or not so ur little comment rlly doesn't hurt nyone.
Fortuitous 0
But your grammar does.
averageirishman 0
everybody hates you.
Randen_fml 0
yup fat
averageirishman 0
I weigh 140 pounds and I'm a boxer I was simply stating, everybody hates you. :)
elme0212 0
well, you can't really talk, because you're ugly, and bot doing anything about it...
skyblue13 0
yea; uhmm how old are yoou ? 16, 20, 30, 15, 40, 50 ? because you sure arnt acting your age, your acting like an 8 year old. I'm 13 and even I know how immature your comment is. I'm not fat, im quite skinny but i still think its extremly rude to call someone fat that yoou havent met before and havent propley seen before. Everyones beautiful in there own way; k. What have you got against people that yoou have to hide behind your computer and post mean stuff on the internet about people ? You must have a preetty sad life. And, her post wasnt aiming at that her son thinks shes fat, he's alot smaller than her, and to every 4 year old someone bigger than them means there quite heavy to the kid. It does not matter about the fact that they are "skinny" or "fat". So, keep your nasty comments to yourself; kthanks ?!
WillyThaKid 0
Shut.... Up...
jeffandjeff 22
#8 Expend more calories than you take in, diet or exercise.
cutiegroove 10
#90, That would work if you were perfectly healthy, and simply overweight, but what if you had thyroid problems, or diseases that preventing exercise or allergies that restricted your diet? It's not that easy for everyone.
Nyc__Princess 0
Lol ! kids. You wanted 'em. Now you have 'em.
chrisauh 4
YDI for being fat. gross
Nellie1723 0
that is rude to say but why say something when no matter the words you have to add you should stop being rude and stop to think how would you feel if this happened to you thats what this site is to come and vent!!!!!!!
DocBastard 40
Great! Then I'm going to start venting about your lack of punctuation and sentence structure.
chrisauh 4
Grammar nazi & the other chick, your a loser for taking this so seriously
xGet_Over_It 0
"Your" and "you're" are two completely different things and they are not interchangeable. Please learn the difference, thank you~
sublime420 11
Perhaps you should *takes off sunglasses* get over it.
aerogxt 7
God, if that's u in ur profile pic you have NO ROOM to call anybody else fat. Then again, you don't have much room for anything being that huge! DAMN SON!
i_luv_dogs 10
#9, you don't have any right to judge OP
Youser 0
HA..halarious! YDI for bein sooooo obese
i_luv_dogs 10
You're a dumbass
LQwhatitdew 0
Kinda figured you were the mother in this scenario when you started with "Today, my 4 year old son.. " The last sentence was unnecessary ankindadredundant, don't't you think?
GlaoigharAirm 0
I was thinking the same thing!
The_Earth 0
not exactly, the father could say that exact same thing. minus the last sentence.
pompousjackass 10
why would the father post this as an FML? :|
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe they're a gay couple.
cutiegroove 10
#50, perhaps because calling your wife heavier than 10 000 cows is not going to make her very happy?
saint0320 0
well start only eating grass and grains! then daddy can lift mommy........ Fyl for letting yourself go
ohSNAPyall 27
Yes! And FYL for not having four stomachs to digest these grasses and grains.