Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML
Today, I think I had a mini orgasm when the baker told me that the chocolate croissant I'd just chosen was still warm. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant and confidently ordered in what I thought was fluent French. The waiter stared at me for a second, then responded in perfect English, "Dude, this is an Italian restaurant." FML
Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML
Today, I was on a date in a fancy restaurant. I tried to show off my skills by ordering our meal in French, since some of the dishes had french-sounding names. The waiter replied in fluent French and I have no idea what he said. FML
Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML
Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some Jello. I said that I loved Jello because it is so fun and jiggly. My boyfriend said, "Like you. Except the fun part". FML
Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML
Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML
Today, I went to a fancy restaurant and couldn't pronounce any of the menu items. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
So, what did he serve you? His **** on a plate?
DocBastard 40
Cum on, I refuse to believe that you suck so much that something like this spewed out of your mouth. If it did, that truly blows. If not, it's definitely a load of horseshit, your head isn't screwed on right, and you should get in your Hummer and go down the street to the spa for a facial.
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Comments (127)
luciaaaaaaaaaaaa 5
Well, I blow. It's as simple as that, guys.
JCHammer 5
Nice
pimplayer 0
remember too wear a Jimmy !!
eman1127 0
Did you leave a sticky tip?
z620 0
" the best chocolate soufflé on the menu..." So they sell another one that's mediocre at best?
lilmissamazin 0
z620- omg I <3 ur pic I thought I was the only one to notice the producers name!!!!! lol sry just had to put tht out there. carry on.
MrLibya 2
Its alright to have a ****** from sweet sweet chocolate
chimpsndip 0
Did you get one?
lbeer 1
only when I go there
Alexxcunningham 0
win
sheribb 5
hmm I guess we know what was on your mind when you saw him
Doortje 30
So, what did he serve you? His **** on a plate?
InBetweenDreams 0
Ahaha.... this made me laugh so hard. :P
UpsidedownKayak 9
What he brought was tongue placed in contact with, what I hope was, shaved beaver and served on a silver plater. It's their creme de la creme desert and is so good they can't put it on the menu. Bon appetit, OP.
allmidnighteyes 11
Nah, dick in a box.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
On my menu, there's beaver, vagtibles, tacos, tossed salad, and of course, pie.
Trueeeee 0
lol
gamerhead 3
Sounds yummy
princess_patches 2
hahaha cuming right up :P
ilovecanada_fml 0
^^^win.
hippyj12 0
If only she knew how to spell.
Exidous 4
i hate when people dont get puns... -_-...
Alexxcunningham 0
same here ^^
5t3ff1k4h 47
She should have doubled the M. I hate it when people don't know how to spell.
rayraytheblaxica 0
lol!!
Michaelkg 0
Cunning isn't a real word anyway so don't get pissed becuz someone spelled a fake word wrong
Michaelkg 0
Woooooow cumming*
5t3ff1k4h 47
Well actually, I've seen it used as a real word. And, "fake words" still need to be spelled correctly. You're referring to slang; "gonna" is a slang word and there is only one correct way to spell that.
Moo_Horse 0
omfg i laughed so much cuz of this
QueenPeppermint 7
I would love some "Double Satisfaction" right now. Did he give it to you? ;)
newjerseyguy 0
if he didnt i will
DocBastard 40
Cum on, I refuse to believe that you suck so much that something like this spewed out of your mouth. If it did, that truly blows. If not, it's definitely a load of horseshit, your head isn't screwed on right, and you should get in your Hummer and go down the street to the spa for a facial.
samb222 3
^This is just spewing Win.
thecoolestwd40 2
amazing.
vettle 6
nah, it's a little overkill.
stingray626 0
overdone totally killed it
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
I don't mean to be anal, but the spa isn't worth the bang for your buck. I don't get why people go there, it's ******* insane. When I went to the spa and asked for a sensual massage, it wasn't that arousing; it might be my thigh boner something. When I asked for a facial, they gave me cu-cum-bers and some white cream and then told me to go screw myself. I was really raging when I asked the staff how much I wanted that golden shower-head they had but they gave me the finger. I tried to compliment that they were big, beautiful women (even though they're teens) and that they should toss a salad, eat a little more vag-tibles and tacos. I then had to leave because my **** was hanging outside of his cage.
Moo_Horse 0
lol
zzzBOLTzzz 1
I can bet that would be way more satisfying than the souffle. :p
nerdsgetmehot 23
That must be an amazing souffle. This reminds me of a weird fear I have-- whenever I'm ordering something with peanut sauce, I always get really nervous that I'll accidentally say "penis sauce." Seriously.
SulfurPlague 0
Peanut sauce? Isn't that called "peanut butter"?
auzzrage 1
well I'm sure the waitor would love to make u some penis sauce
nerdsgetmehot 23
#75 No, idiot. Peanut sauce is commonly used in Thai food. It isn't peanut butter.
CoolStoryyBro 0
How is someone an idiot for not knowing something? I was wondering the same thing. Its not like they were being rude at all, they just asked a question. Now you look like a jackass for calling someone an idiot when they didn't know better. I suppose, anyone who isn't as smart as you, is an idiot? Such as, an infant or toddler? Unless your taught, you never know. And just remember, even Einstein asked questions.
docscientist 10
Double ****** all the way! What does this mean?!
McGherkin 0
I believe it is similar to a Double Rainbow.
123zc1 3
I think it's becoming a triple ******!
marsbar14 0
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!
shadowtrooper 0
I ****** double rainbow for the win
disneydork96 0
18 that made me laugh so hard! good one.