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Hey lady!

By Anonymous - 03/05/2014 05:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light, she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 214

You deserved it 3 448

By immaturity all around - 31/03/2013 17:55 - United States

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 790

You deserved it 6 990

By stepmom - 18/06/2011 09:40 - Australia

Today, I explained to my 5 year old daughter that her older sister from my husband's first marriage lives with her mommy, and my daughter lives with us. She exclaimed, "It's not fair! I want two mommies like she has! Can we swap, I like her mommy better than you anyway!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 817

You deserved it 5 060

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 11:53 - Australia

Spicy

Today, mine and my boyfriend's concerns that we are too loud in bed were definitely confirmed when his entire family stopped the movie they were watching and vacated the cinema room located directly below us. They returned and resumed a while after we were finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 913

You deserved it 36 884

By wasntme - 30/03/2009 10:14 - Netherlands

Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 595

You deserved it 7 458

This is going to be fun

By Tony - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fiancée informed me she'd invited her ex-husband to our wedding at her parents' request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 571

You deserved it 2 248

By ari - 17/06/2011 11:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 666

You deserved it 3 029

Back to reality

By Herbiee - 18/08/2010 12:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. Fifteen minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 501

You deserved it 13 110

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 19:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 077

You deserved it 86 794

Brain fog

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 20:01

Today, I was at the dentist and got laughing gas to lessen the anxiety I get from the numbing shots. When I was good and "relaxed", an assistant leaned real close and said, "Open wide." I just stared back at her and widened my eyes. She had to clarify she was talking about my mouth. Duh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 271

By Hooker - 28/03/2013 23:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 124

You deserved it 20 772

By oliviakelly25 - 09/10/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, three months after finally ending a long relationship with the love of my life because he was cheating on me, we are now seeing each other again. And cheating on our new significant others with each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 060

You deserved it 87 123

Milky Milky

By Shock91 - 11/09/2019 02:02 - China - Beijing

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 384

Masterchef

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, I'm 3 months pregnant and have seemingly started having sex dreams about other men. Last night, I had a passionate affair with an older man. Who was it? Joe Bastianich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 222

By FML - 12/08/2010 16:19 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's mom and dad walked in on us while we were playing naked twister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 170

You deserved it 36 393

Rated

By Anonymous - 10/04/2012 14:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, it was the only time in my life that I have ever received an A+ for something. Thank you, eBay buyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 780

You deserved it 19 894

Biker troubles

By Crotch_Rocket_Rider - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, when approaching a stop light on my motorcycle, I went to extend my left leg as usual to balance when stopped. Apparently my shoelace loop got wrapped around the shift lever and "tied" my shoe to the bike. It's hard to look cool when you fall over for no apparent reason at a stoplight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 965

You deserved it 7 833

By Anonymous - 09/04/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 196

You deserved it 3 599

I didn't see you there

By SolaceInRage - 20/03/2013 23:53 - United States - Wilmette

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 160

You deserved it 26 960

By Kuu - 24/03/2009 05:46 - United States

Today, I had an excellent conversation with this guy I met on a gay dating site. We really hit it off well and had a lot in common. We got to the point where he asked me for my picture. I showed it to him and he stopped responding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 570

You deserved it 15 898

KuuKuso tells us more.

KuuKuso 1

Tuesday 24 March 2009 17:38

Original poster here. Just wanted to clear up a few things: I'm really not upset about it. It kind of got to me when it happened but I got over it pretty quickly. The only thing that upset me was the fact that I told him that if he wasn't interested, I'd still like to be friends and he completely disregarded that. Ultimately, I just wanted to make my first FML, lol. #17, #18 - He had already seen two of my pictures, but a 3rd one was slightly more revealing, and that was what did me in! #13 - Ouch! That must have been AWKWARD to say the least. :/ #12 and #15 - I don't mind if you think that way. It's a free country, we're entitled to our opinions, after all. But you know what they say... usually the loudest homophobes are closet cases themselves! ;)

Homeschooling claims another victim

By Anonymous - 27/07/2022 06:00 - United States - Liverpool

Today, I, a 33 year-old guy, had to explain to my 27 year-old girlfriend that she does NOT pee out of her vaginal opening, but does in fact have a separate hole she pees from. She didn’t believe me. After showing her a diagram of the female anatomy online, she said, “Yeah well I don’t have one of those.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 135

Galaxy brain

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 17:01 - Australia

Today, I found out my boss wrote me up because he heard me crying on the phone, and that it was unprofessional. I was talking to my sister, who was telling that me my father had died. Three weeks ago, he was crying about his dog breaking his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 854

You deserved it 103

By caughtontape - 22/03/2009 23:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 365

You deserved it 20 637

By unfriendlyskies - 02/04/2012 23:40 - United States - Central Falls

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 319

You deserved it 2 121

By jilted - 21/03/2009 07:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 45

Alexa, play "Family Snapshot" by Peter Gabriel

By totalloss - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 811

You deserved it 2 239

So do some adults…

By geonix - 19/05/2021 08:00

Today, I discovered that apparently my six-year-old daughter actually believes that the United States is the only country with advanced technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 452

He's a keeper

By EmmaJelly - 31/07/2022 10:00

Today, my three year-old son accidentally spilled strawberry jelly on my husband’s work shirt. My husband threw a huge fit, and went on a huge rant about how he was going to be late for work. He also said, and I quote, “Why couldn’t you just get a fucking abortion?” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 213

Close enough

By Anonymous - 29/07/2010 18:24 - Canada

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 094

You deserved it 7 058

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my boss's kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 423

You deserved it 42 084

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was at the lake with my family. I was drinking from a can of soda but didn't realize a bee flew into the can. I didn't swallow it, but I now have Kylie Jenner's lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 836

You deserved it 1 008

Today, my husband sent an email invite to his family about our daughter's upcoming birthday. Upon reading the email, his aunt clicked "reply all" while emailing her husband and said, "I'd rather say we're out of town than see that dumb bitch our nephew calls his wife." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 394

You deserved it 4 229

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 488

You deserved it 6 017

Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 186

Today, I had a horrific nightmare where I was lost in the woods and got mauled to death by a hungry wolf. I fully blacked out in the dream before waking up in real life, at 3AM, where I found that my room was pitch black because I forgot to open the curtains. I genuinely thought I was dead for about five seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 149

Today, I ran into an old friend in a grocery store. We both went in for a hug, but at the exact same moment we both leaned in for a cheek kiss. We ended up awkwardly smashing faces together and then slowly pulling away, silently pretending that whatever that was didn’t just happen. We haven’t spoken since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 130