Today, as I was walking into my apartment building, a douchebag leaned out his truck window and yelled, "HOW MUCH FOR A BJ?" He then pulled into a spot near my car. Apparently I have a charming new neighbor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML
Today, I was getting catcalled downtown by a guy I've never seen before. Then he told me he knows where I live, and accurately described my apartment while he followed me for 2 blocks. FML
Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML
Today, I was in the car hooking up with my boyfriend. He was on top of me when I noticed my neighbor jogging toward the car. Instead of hiding, I felt compelled to wave as he jogged past us. FML
Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down, he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML
Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML
Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML
Today, when leaving my apartment, I instantly noticed there was a giant dump truck in our lot, which turned out to be directly behind my car. After making a 20-point escape from my parking space and getting to work late, my roommate texts me, "DUDE guess what I got last night." A giant dump truck. FML
Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML
Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML
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Top comments
Judus_beej 0
you should have said depends on the size. the smaller the more costly and by the sounds of it you need to get a loan from the bank.
rave_noises 0
He sounds fun. Invite him over for tea and crumpets.
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Comments (94)
blacklily0103 0
moderated this :)
kyrarox 0
ha
smokeymcpottt 3
Ha ha uh ha ha ha, I have nothing better to say ha.
zeeindahouse 0
and how much u charge?
Zesty697 0
well this situation BLOWS
zakkyzebra 11
I never knew douchebags could talk... Yay for talking inanimate objects!
savs11 13
#26 is a win.
Cyosaric 0
I love 28 because she has a cat. Wanna lick the slime off my belly?
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
so your neighbour likes to shop around, whats the big deal?
WishResign 0
"Bitch you could be making some real motherfuckin money. I'll treat you real good..." I bet OP is the bottom bitch. She gets solicited without even trying lol
mitri_fml 3
lolz so how much did you tell him?
zeeindahouse 0
1 year free trial with an upgrade I guess
pink_mess 0
dang if i were you id get my self. a gun a big dog, security system ..... man him being your neighboor dont let him rape you
ayeitsmerr 0
haha, nice>.<! that sucks for you.
GodOfBeer 5
actually she sucked him
fishycanswim 0
Pun intended?
GodOfBeer 5
obviously :D
madmadd 0
u guys can have sleepovers 2gether :P
kindlystfupls 0
and she could possibly make money at the same time!! lol
TheBananaTheif 0
You could even make money off of your new friend... or is that immoral in any way?
bt3 0
hot
starile 20
He might just be a visiting friend of a neighbor.
TheBananaTheif 0
Please tell me it isn't
rave_noises 0
He sounds fun. Invite him over for tea and crumpets.
pandemic_fml 0
This.
firemanrob 0
this could be the start of a good **** movie
RedPillSucks 33
or a good murder mystery.
alfredrog 0
Lololol win for cum in the face xD
charlesnk7 0
thats his way to tell u ur hot
Judus_beej 0
you should have said depends on the size. the smaller the more costly and by the sounds of it you need to get a loan from the bank.
kaity111 0
win^
CitrusGirl 0
Trucks are always compensation, unless you actually have alot of stuff to carry around. Whoa. Double entendre.
sourgirl101 29
I own a truck. Is it because I don't have a penis?(:
Molkerei 0
yes, yes it is.
pokemaster2468 0
ooooohhhhhhhhhhh that woulda been a frikin good dis
ImBeingLiedTo 0
awe grandpa so silly these days
Quest_ 13
No, he was correct.
sourgirl101 29
Grandpa wants a BJ?
ZERO530 5
Wrong FML Dingus
starile 20
Of course grandpa wants a BJ!