The Top

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Alexa, play "Hot Hot Hot" by The Cure

By Talented73 - 07/07/2021 22:01 - United States - Yonkers

Today, we're in the middle of a heatwave. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my scrotum was stuck to the side of my leg from all the perspiration. I had to actually peel it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 161

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 167

You deserved it 2 689

Yummy

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 20:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 417

Harness your hopes

By Debz - 24/07/2025 09:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, my boyfriend took me to a restaurant for lunch and said, “It’s time we talk about our future.” I got all emotional, thinking he was going to propose. Instead, he calmly told me he’s moving to another country. I cried into my breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 98

Thanks, privatisation!

By Sivvus - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Reserved

Today, I paid £140 for a train ticket. All the seats were full. When I sat in the corridor the guard yelled at me. I paid £140 to stand outside a stinking train toilet for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 446

You deserved it 3 453

Give it to me baby!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend is so terrified of having a baby that he won’t screw me, even though I’m on the pill and we have condoms. He gets so worked up, he usually goes soft before we get the condom on. His oral game is on point but I just want a good hard dicking, is that too much to ask? FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 198

By Anonymous - 21/01/2014 21:30 - Iceland

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 355

You deserved it 4 187

Great date

By SonofDonald - 22/01/2013 17:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 526

You deserved it 4 044

Creepy crawlies

By xUnluckyx - 18/03/2010 05:45 - Canada

Today, I was working, ripping siding off a house. I pulled off a sheet that was over my head. I got rained with what I thought was wood chips that were behind the siding. Turns out they were dead grasshoppers. Guess what I found in my bra after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 247

You deserved it 3 811

Long time coming

By Emma - 10/10/2022 03:30

Today, my best friend announced her engagement to my ex. We broke up two days ago. I’m no longer speaking to her. She tells me I’m being a drama queen and to “stop throwing a pity party” because “If he was the one he would still be with you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 132

Classic

By Anonymous - 05/08/2025 20:00 - Namibia

Today, I found my girlfriend in bed with her gym trainer. They said they were doing cardio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 77

By Dale - 21/02/2009 02:20 - Costa Rica

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 544

You deserved it 4 194

By Shuttie - 18/01/2013 12:55 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 599

You deserved it 43 648

Flewchart

By Noname - 20/02/2009 05:30 - South Africa

Today, at a strategy session, my manager displayed a flowchart of his employees. I wasn't included. Apparently I had been fired and they forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 800

You deserved it 2 458

Recycled material

By AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 06/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my parents and I went out to lunch with my grandma, where my mom proceeded to tell my grandma the same five or six stories she always tells her. My grandma does not have dementia or Alzheimer's. NOBODY in my family does. I, however, have great exasperation from wanting to hear something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 116

Navigating discourse

By The tolerant left - 12/10/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, my class had a meeting with a representative of our state, encouraging us to "attempt to politely engage with people who disagree with you." Not even an hour later, I saw an image on social media comparing a prominent political figure to Satan. How the fuck am I supposed to engage with someone like that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 14/01/2013 10:06 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 586

You deserved it 8 308

By strongjon60 - 07/02/2012 15:07 - United States

Today, at my internship, I was told we were going to do something fun. I was excited, until I found out that this "fun" thing was labeling 500 folders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 184

You deserved it 3 640

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 12/02/2024 12:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, all because I don't text her throughout the day. Last week she told me she would get fired if she was caught reading texts at work, and to stop texting her during her work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 104

By Painfulfaceforme - 14/03/2010 02:30 - Canada

Today, I followed an acne treatment. It was only after I'd finished the treatment that I read the bottom line, stating "Do not scrub your face". I only had one pimple to start with, now it looks like I sandpapered my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 789

You deserved it 31 293

This ol' truck

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, while driving, I realized I had left my phone on top of my car when I was getting in. Panicking, I drove back to look for it. I found it in the middle of the street, still intact. Yay! When I went back to my car, I noticed I had locked my door, and the keys were in the ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 152

You deserved it 38 659

Unsociable media

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 00:01

Today, I'm a social media manager, and a client complained about having to put forward her personality to gain followers, also refusing to promote her works personally on camera. She's an actress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 106

Belief it or not

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 00:00

Today, every boyfriend I’ve ever had dumped me because they realised I was serious about saving myself until marriage. I’m now in my late 30s, single, and childless. My sister, whose knickers were up and down like a yo-yo in high school, is happily married with 3 great kids. Religion is for idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 301

By anonymous - 11/03/2010 19:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my art project, the one I've been working on for the last two weeks and the first piece I felt really comfortable about turning in, was stolen out of the art cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 798

You deserved it 2 105

You ANIMAL

By ElevatorThug - 25/08/2009 09:17 - Singapore

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 241

You deserved it 34 331

By NeverCampingAgain - 15/02/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 669

You deserved it 7 807

Adieu

By Pain - 24/02/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I saw an old friend while out and about. Since I don't leave the house very often, my friend was surprised to see me in person. He jokingly asked if someone was dying, and I cried in response. I was in fact going to the hospital to say goodbye to my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 141

Needy furbaby

By Trained and Conditioned - 24/10/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, my cat locked herself in the bathroom and screamed until she was let out, for what seems like the millionth time this week. It took me a while to realize she's doing it on purpose for attention. She is loved and cared for; I've never neglected her. Apparently, it's still not enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 206

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 28/02/2024 20:00 - Morocco - Salé

Today, my now ex-boyfriend admitted that he had cancelled our Sunday date not because he was ill but because he spent the whole the day with his depressed ex-wife, I was always telling him to check on her, but out of nowhere he felt need to lie and hide their meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 147

It's gone woke

By Scrafty - 01/09/2025 00:00 - United States - Mount Airy

Today, they introduced a mega evolved form of my favorite Pokémon, but it looks like a Ku Klux Klan member. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 172

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The Top

Today, I never thought I would see a blowjob from the perspective of the viewer, but it happened, in our open-space office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 603

You deserved it 1 669

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 442

You deserved it 4 216

Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate to tell him that he looks just like my ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 168

You deserved it 2 813

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 259

You deserved it 4 046

Today, I was enjoying my first vacation day in 2 years. My boss then called me to come in, saying it was an emergency. I got to work and got fired. Yes, my boss made me come in just to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 902

You deserved it 614

Today, I finished birthday shopping for my husband, my son, and a close friend, who all have birthdays within a week. I was proud of myself for being organized, until I remembered: my husband has a twin sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 191