Today, I spent all day on the toilet trying to pee and when I did, very little would come out. I would stand up, sit on the couch then go back to the toilet. I have been going to the bathroom around 30 times, including last night trying to fall asleep. Worst day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Today, I got home from working 14 hours straight, went to take a dump, and fell asleep on the toilet. I woke up later on the floor, covered in shit and piss, with my alarm going off, an hour before I was due back at work. FML
Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML
Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML
Today, I had bad diarrhea. I went to the toilet seven times while my cousins came to spend time with me. I spent more time in the toilet than I did with them. Once they'd left, I went to the toilet for what would be the eighth time in a couple of hours. I now can no longer feel my ass. FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
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Top comments
lateralligator 12
UTI or prostate. go to the doctor
Yokohama 5
you probably have an infection, drink lot of water and go to the doctor
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Comments (12)
lateralligator 12
UTI or prostate. go to the doctor
Yokohama 5
you probably have an infection, drink lot of water and go to the doctor
bleachedraven 14
Go see a dr please
Bonniibiik 6
Sounds like a uti. If so Azo cranberry will relieve the symptoms. But you should see a doctor
xxlk4xx 6
Definitely sounds like uti, those aren't fun at all! I found drinking an Arizona green tea then lots of water used to help me a lot, but definitely go see your dr
Thaylok 17
The urge without the purge. check with a urologist. and drink plenty of water. reminds me of kidney stones I had. Check with a urologist!
mando 10
"the urge to purge" 😂
AutisticPat 10
I know that other commenters have already said this...but PLEASE contact a physician! These symptoms could be a sign of prostate cancer or kidney failure. You probably “just” have a UTI, but better safe than sorry.
dragonladiesfire 19
sounds like dehydration with a possibility of an infection. definitely should see your doctor.
Malachi Malachi 4
sounds like a infection. water would be good for you rn. and a doctor visit
rainbowdonnareed 18
Go to the doctor and get AZO, water and plain yogurt if you're a women it stops the itching