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By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 23:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 139

You deserved it 6 367

Bad admin

By selmar wick - 03/12/2021 05:01 - Angola

Today, my bank sent me a message, saying that they'd disabled my account. To reactivate it, I need the account number, and I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 262

By now what - 24/12/2014 05:56 - United States - San Leandro

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 146

You deserved it 3 389

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 05:42 - United States - Calera

Today, when my husband asked me what the password to my new computer is, I told him it was the month and year of our marriage. He couldn't figure out the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 198

You deserved it 7 086

By thanksmom - 22/12/2014 23:15 - United States - Watertown

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 085

You deserved it 2 647

Plenty of pep

By awks - 01/10/2012 12:50 - United States - Stuart

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 307

You deserved it 5 970

Souvenir

By nick - 26/12/2021 17:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I found out my son’s middle name was named after my wife’s muscled up highschool ex-boyfriend who cheated on her and who she sometimes still brings up. She tells me it’s nothing and still acts like I’m crazy for communicating my worry to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 269

You deserved it 158

All in all, you're just a…

By Bipolargal - 03/03/2023 22:00

Today, after spending 4 years without dating after an abusive relationship, and going out with who I thought was a decent guy for 6 months, I told him I have bipolar disorder and take medication for it. He responded by dumping me saying he can’t date someone who’s “crazy.” Back to putting my wall up I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 277

Where are we going?

By Fionaaaa? - 22/07/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my best friend confessed his love to me, and I confessed the same back. However, I have a boyfriend who gives me mixed signals and is rude but sometimes not, and my best friend isn't ready to date so for now it’s FWB, and he's also is starting to give a little bit of mixed signals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 872

Bye Bye

By Anonymous - 29/12/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - South Shields

Today, it was my two-week anniversary of starting my new job, after over a year of unemployment due to Covid. It was great, I was getting on with people, and it actually felt like a career where my skillset was valued and I was appreciated by the management. I showed up to work this morning to find it had burned down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 127

Great party

By Anonymous - 24/07/2024 20:00

Today, what should have been a nice family dinner ended with my wife standing over me, staring me dead in the eyes, while endlessly repeating, “Get him out of my house, get him out of my house…” until I agreed to take my drunk brother to a hotel to sleep it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 815

Sticky situation

By CodyS - 03/09/2013 05:03 - United States - Rocky River

Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 233

You deserved it 11 296

Greed

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 20:03

Today, my husband told me he wants a $600 birthday gift. He doesn't understand why I said that wasn't happening, and is now mad at me. Not only can we not afford that, he only spent less than $10 on my birthday gift last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 23/02/2010 15:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered everyone at work refers to me as 'The Man-Lady'. I work in a supermarket's beauty department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 606

You deserved it 3 394

Stealthy roommate

By AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 15/03/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I had to go to the bathroom, but the door was closed. I waited until I was pretty much about to explode, and eventually yelled, "Are you okay?" and my roommate replied, "What are you talking about? Oh, sorry. I left the light on." How do you close the door and forget to turn off the light? FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 403

Therapeutic

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 23:01

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to weekly talks about anything that is bothering us, since we’ve been arguing a lot lately. So far, every talk has been her moaning at me about how I annoy her, yet when I try to have my say, she interrupts or yells at me for blaming her for our problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 180

You deserved it 191

Get back here

By Anonyme - 30/08/2013 10:59 - France - Ivry-sur-seine

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 154

You deserved it 36 019

Full support

By dumpedchick - 25/06/2009 02:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me. I was really depressed, so a couple of my friends came over to take me out to a club to cheer me up. My ex was there, partying with his friends. He came up to me and my friends, and asked my friend if she wanted to hang out sometime. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 464

You deserved it 3 661

This pandemic hit some of us harder than others

By Anonymous - 22/12/2021 20:01

Today, I've had to accept that, despite my efforts to stay in touch with the few friends I made at college, I have zero friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 98

How could you?

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 15:00

Today, I'm being called despicable, cruel, and heartless because I refused to take in my deceased sister's four kids, which resulted in them being put in separate foster homes. I'm 20, live in a tiny studio apartment, and attend college and work full-time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 89

By IHateMyLife - 22/09/2012 06:59 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I received a compliment for the first time from a girl. She told me she admires my courage to go out in public since most ugly people don't like to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 898

You deserved it 2 032

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, I was giving myself a breast exam for lumps. I heard laughing, looked around and saw that the 12 year-old neighbor and his friends were watching through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 061

You deserved it 12 517

Welcome home!

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 10:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home after a spending a week recovery from surgery. My neighbour had been feeding my cat whilst I was away. Exhausted, I went straight to my bedroom where I soon discovered that my cat had shat on my pillows, duvet, and pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 150

By anon - 05/12/2014 15:44 - United States - Georgetown

Today, my work department set a new sales record, something not done in nearly 30 years. It's corporate policy to give a bonus to each worker responsible as a reward. Our manager decided our "bonuses" would be plastic medals from Dollar Tree. He didn't even buy enough for everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 921

You deserved it 2 484

By Brony - 22/10/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that everyone in my dorm knows I watch My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 565

You deserved it 43 458

By mindlost - 07/01/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 266

You deserved it 29 474

Core

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 16:00

Today, I went to the gym and accidentally farted during yoga class. Everyone looked at me and the instructor said, "Let's all take a moment to appreciate the power of core strength." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 173

Peacemaker

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my coworker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 515

You deserved it 14 300

This was a bad idea

By Naked_Mango - 18/03/2023 06:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I, a man in his 40’s, wanted to rid myself of all back, thigh, buttock, and pubic hair. The first strip of pubic hair the tall 22 year-old girl yanked on almost made me cry, and almost made me knee her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 833

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 01/03/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my mother asking me if I was okay. Confused, I asked her what she meant. She then told me that my boyfriend had broken up with me, and she just wanted to make sure I was handling it alright. I had to find out my relationship was over from my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 019

You deserved it 3 706

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The Top

Today, the girl I've secretly loved for years finally noticed me. That is, after I ran over her foot with my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 214

You deserved it 7 425

Today, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend I still love, and his new girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. Embarrassingly, she was wearing the same top as me. However hers was in size 6, unlike my 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 522

You deserved it 18 796

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. When I told the man that I wanted Tinkerbell on my lower back area. He snorted and told me that I was way too old to have Tinkerbell on me, and that Disney characters are only cute on people 35 and younger. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 194

You deserved it 13 499

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 957

You deserved it 2 528

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 470

You deserved it 30 447

Today, I was watching Euphoria’s new season and my mom barged in without knocking to ask me something. At that precise moment, a very explicit sex scene came on. She threw a bitch fit, tore up my prom ticket and told me that I ever lose my virginity while living under her roof, she’ll kick me out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 98