The Top

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By dammitrain - 13/07/2010 19:43 - United States

Today, hoping to avoid the rain because I had just gotten an expensive perm, I ducked under an awning. At that moment, the store manager shook the awning, and about 6 hours of rain dumped on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 507

You deserved it 8 478

The Force is jealous in this one

By Anonymous - 05/08/2022 04:00

Today, my ex-girlfriend has been nothing but nice about our separation, and I’ve been slowly removing my stuff from her house, until she found out I have a new girlfriend just a few tiny years younger than her. She ran over my box of replica lightsabers with her work van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 1 512

By girlymae - 27/02/2013 07:59 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 467

You deserved it 24 049

By notsober - 20/03/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. About 2 hours later, he got to hold my hair while I puked, also for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 072

You deserved it 6 953

Time for an intervention

By Sierra Madre - 20/10/2019 04:00

Today, I got yelled at all day at work, only to come home and get yelled at by my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 200

CARS!

By hatenicknames - 09/08/2022 04:00

Today, I was moving in with a housemate who was fixing his car outside. First, my dad was helping me move, but got distracted by the car, then my boyfriend came to help and also got distracted by the car. I've been moving everything by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 167

Whatever it takes

By UglyLesbo - 21/08/2022 06:00

Today, I saw the girl I have a crush on holding hands and making out with another girl. When I hinted that I was into girls, in an attempt to ask her out out two months ago, she told me she was “straight as hell” and would “never resort to that disgusting ass lesbo shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 269

On the pull

By Anonymous - 09/06/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in a bar, I had to remind my brother that the bar was not open to the public, it was booked for a private party. Our family reunion in fact, so the girl he was “this close to pulling” was actually our Welsh cousin we’d never met before. He almost became a redneck stereotype. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 98

Stop assuming the worst!

By notbeeatingmywife - 21/08/2022 14:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend has some bruises from her karate class. We went shopping together and needless to say, I got quite a few dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 102

Slippery when wet

By blewidstepr - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 915

You deserved it 6 535

By McChunky =( - 09/03/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 078

You deserved it 9 188

White light/White heat

By Anonymous - 27/08/2022 16:00 - Australia

Today, I didn't get to sleep until 5 a.m., as I stayed up to finish off a big project that I have been working on for the past week. I was then woken up at 6 a.m. by my daughter saying she was ready for school. School starts at 9 a.m., and is a 2-minute drive away. I'm now at work, living off an hour of sleep and coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 283

Alexa, play "Cars" by Gary Numan

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 16:00

Today, I ran a stop sign that was completely obscured by foliage, in a city I was unfamiliar with. A city bus then T-boned me. My car is now totalled, and I’m afraid this will now go to court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 426

I'm trying!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2021 02:01

Today, I was trying to exercise to lose weight but I got terrible bloating. Turns out that’s a common response, because the body thinks it’s being stressed. This is right after being diagnosed with allergies to some vegetables. I’m trying to be healthy, I swear. My body won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 115

The dictator

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 00:00 - United States - Irvine

Today, my boss told me not to close my office door. What am I, 12 years-old? FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 17/09/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to tell my grandpa, who immediately said, "I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 945

You deserved it 3 937

You wouldn't get it

By FourMoreBeers - 22/08/2022 14:00

Today, my now-former friend explained in extreme hyperbole that the only reason Russia invaded Ukraine is because Zelensky is a zionist agent meant to make Putin and Trump look bad. He stopped taking my calls after I asked him to explain this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 169

Get well soon

By BigAssSwagBear - 17/12/2023 12:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was told I have a tumor in my brain and require surgery. This all came about due to having a MRI for my migraines and then finding it. The kicker? They're positive the tumor isn’t playing any role in the migraines. I'm now struggling to cope and pass grad school exams with this weight in me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 98

Murphy's Law

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 11:01 - Israel

Today, I had a night shift as a front desk clerk in a nice hotel. Even with 2 years experience, I truly wasn't ready for what was about to happen. From a burned hand by boiling water to unpaid rooms via a guest identification scandal at 3 a.m., everything that could go wrong did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 97

By dsamanthas - 23/02/2014 08:10 - United States - Covina

Today, after being worried for a week because my dog wasn't eating, I paid the vet $120 for her to tell me that my dog doesn't like her dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 684

You deserved it 8 362

Great organization

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 08:02

Today, while leaving late for work, I walked out to my car only to find the back window broken. Worst part was, I still had to go to work because no one who could cover me showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 86

Too much YouTube true crime on the brain

By Anonymous - 27/08/2022 18:00

Today, and like every other day this year, my wife’s best friend thinks it’s funny to make comments that she thinks I’ll murder my wife, and that she should leave me ASAP. The best friend is in her 30s and has never had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 107

Confession

By Anonymous - 25/12/2023 00:00 - Switzerland

Today, my wife confessed that she'd always assumed our kids would have her good looks and my talents. Unfortunately, according to her, our daughters take after my mum and are, "let's face it", in no way gifted. Poor kids and… FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 154

Don't laugh

By PaneraSucks - 19/02/2014 06:24 - United States - Londonderry

Today, a customer at work pronounced the word "Asian" as "Ah-See-Awn" when ordering a salad. I wasn't allowed to say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 220

You deserved it 4 299

Nice guy NPC #8777

By Thomas - 29/12/2023 12:00 - United States - Wentzville

Today, after years of trying to get with my best friend, whom I've loved for years and years, she still won't get with me and would rather go back to her abusive narcissist ex who talks mad shit on her and treats her like shit. I've told her how beautiful she is every morning for years, but won't give me a try. Nice guys never win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 1 686

Not sponsored by Klondike bars (but feel free to send us some)

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 15:00 - United States - Canton

Today, I realised that on top of my gluten intolerance, garlic intolerance, and just the general having to poop way too much in 12 hours, apparently my system does not like ice cream anymore. I get diarrhea after eating any amount. And I love Klondike bars! FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 97

Monday motivation

By UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh - 09/02/2013 17:21 - Kenya

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 912

You deserved it 2 339

By Kybo5 - 08/02/2013 05:45 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 894

You deserved it 56 270

By LightsOut - 03/05/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, I finished working a 70 hour work week. I'm a lineman for the electric company, and worked extended hours all week getting people's lights back on after a wind storm. When I got home, my power was out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 593

You deserved it 3 138

By wallets - 29/02/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, I told a customer that we don't do refunds. He responded by throwing his wallet at my face and accusing me of stealing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 045

You deserved it 2 489

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The Top

Today, I went to my parents house to secretly collect all of their home videos and convert them to DVDs as a Christmas gift. Among them I found a sex tape my parents had made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 815

You deserved it 3 684

Today, I kept having dreams that I had made drunken snapchats. Those weren't just dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 348

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 829

You deserved it 5 342

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 544

You deserved it 3 424

Today, I got raise at work. It's $3 per month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 146

Today, I told my wife Philip Rivers retired. Being born and bred in Baltimore, she hates anything Colts now. "Philip is a stupid name", she says. I pointed out my middle name is Philip. She laughed, then said, "Are you serious?" We've been married 33 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 137