Today, I saw my husband comment on a celebrity’s Instagram post that he would “eat her ass like a cupcake.” I’ve asked him to do the same to me once and he told me wasn’t into eating ass. So when I called him out on it, he replied, “Maybe if you did squats and worked out that pancake butt of yours, I would.” FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML
Today, at a World Cup watch party, my husband joked about how I’d probably eat all the snacks by halftime so everyone should eat up now. I told him that hurt and how he wasn’t the man I married anymore. He replied, “I should say the same thing about you. You didn’t do one thing to lose weight since the kids.” FML
Today, I had to explain to my husband why a Facebook comment that says, “Such a tight body, I bet you can ride some dick real good!” towards a female friend of his is inappropriate. He insists it’s a compliment and accused me of being a “misogynist” and not supporting “female body positivity.” FML
Today, my new husband told me, “If you ever get comfortable during the marriage I’m leaving. So I’m getting you a gym membership to keep that body in check.” When I protested, he told me, “How would you feel if I packed pounds and look like Jabba The Hutt?” My silence was punctuated by an “Exactly.” FML
Today, as we were getting ready for sex, I told my man to fuck my face, and it was great until he shoved my face in his ass, yelling, "Eat my ass! Eat it!" I had to explain that ass eating is not something I'm comfortable with. FML
Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned, "The bitch on the pot." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I'm "almost" his perfect woman, and that if I wanted to be the perfect woman, I needed to start eating his ass. Yeah, no. See you never. FML
Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
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Top comments
core01 30
Because they hide their disdain for women until they have you financially in a bind and it's legally difficult to leave.
cuz803 46
Tell him you'll work your "pancake butt" when he grows a bigger ****
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Comments (4)
cuz803 46
Tell him you'll work your "pancake butt" when he grows a bigger ****
tiptoppc 21
He’d just have to get it up at least once for her to jump that low bar.
DirtySalamander 9
that's not even a good comparison. a man can't lengthen their **** but you can make your ass bigger. think
Justkidding100 41
how do people even end up in relationships like this? I'm my partner was ever even remotely mean to me it would be over...
core01 30
Because they hide their disdain for women until they have you financially in a bind and it's legally difficult to leave.
RichardPencil 32
You only say that kind of stuff when you know there's zero chance of it ever happening. If the celeb came over and shoved her ass into his face, I'll bet he'd chicken out.
HouseOfM 8
just because someone is willing do something in bed doesn't mean they are willing to do it with everyone they sleep with. if a partner is awful with sexting role-playing is probably not going to happen.