The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Clampdown

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally clamped my hair straightener down on my ear. Eleven hours later, it still feels like I have a burning, swollen fireball hanging off the side of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 249

You deserved it 12 446

Where is my mind?

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 00:01

Today, after 10 beers and a 1/3 of a bottle of Jack, I felt an undeniable urge to go rabbit hunting with lawn darts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 1 213

Get me out of here

By Shawn - 18/02/2024 15:00 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I have polymyositis. A muscle disease. Pretty advanced. I'm only able to work a few hours a week. In 2018 my roommate assaulted me in a drunken blackout. My boss moved me into her windowless garage. She and her husband run a catering business. They steal card tips, and cheat on their taxes. I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 132

By lillymean - 03/02/2012 01:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 498

You deserved it 6 118

Skiving

By randa - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night, so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 369

You deserved it 58 036

By bready - 16/02/2009 13:01 - United States

Today, I drank a ton of beers for my 25th birthday. My friends love to watch me open beer bottles with my teeth. I chipped both of my front uppers doing this. I'm no longer covered by my parents dental insurance because I'm 25 now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 864

You deserved it 72 213

By AnonUser464 - 08/01/2013 16:40 - United States

Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 545

You deserved it 3 431

Moral support

By too bad so sad - 15/02/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, as I sat on my couch heartbroken from a very recent breakup, my mother walked up to me and in a very comforting voice said, "Maybe he left you for someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 628

You deserved it 2 482

Break it off

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that my fiancée wishes she'd never said yes when I proposed, as she is in love with another man, and has been hiding their relationship for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 149

Good one

By Anonymous - 23/10/2022 18:00 - United States - Lewisburg

Today, I found out that my friend's adult daughter Renee is actually just him catfishing his friends with actress Jessica Jade Andres's pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 157

Scary

By The V Sal - 13/02/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, I was helping supervise a 5 year-old's birthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the birthday boy and crept around the corner and yelled, "Found you!" He peed his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 132

You deserved it 34 334

Eat to the beat

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 06:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, working at McDonald’s, I get lunch money on top of my salary. Well, actually I don’t *get* the money, I can eat the money. No freestyling though, only items that are actually on the menu. I guess my health and my figure won’t be lovin' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 308

Alone time

By Anonymous - 27/02/2024 20:00 - United States - Buford

Today, I finally got some alone time today with the boyfriend (we have kids, so this is rare) and we were going heavily at it when his mother decided to drop in and wouldn’t stop knocking on the front door. Worst timing ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 141

By delamer - 29/01/2012 16:00 - United States

Today, I found out we have new neighbors in our apartment complex that park in the stall next to our truck. Turns out their car is the same make of our truck. And it also turns out that when I unlock our truck it will set off their car alarm - every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 355

You deserved it 2 084

By .... - 24/12/2013 02:48 - United States - Modesto

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 128

You deserved it 3 741

And they say romance is dead…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 463

You deserved it 2 947

By ihatemylife - 20/08/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked her why she did, she said that the psychic that she was texting (one of those 44644 numbers) said we have a 2% compatibility rating. How does that explain 4 years of happy dating? FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 644

You deserved it 4 459

Late stage capitalism

By Stupidtechnology - 29/10/2022 10:00

Today, being poor and starving, I stole a chick’s iPhone while she wasn’t looking. Turns out, she has a feature on her Apple Watch that can track the iPhone and make it go off, even if it’s on silent mode. I had to pretend I just found it and was looking for the owner so I didn’t look like a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 2 526

By Broderick - 26/03/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 103

You deserved it 6 965

People of Walmart

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 22:00

Today, a bratty kid at Walmart called my mom a "fat bitch" when she wasn't walking fast enough for him. Enraged, I gave him the meanest death glare I could muster and I tore him a new one, right in front of his mother, who then defended her kid, saying that my mom and I should both lose a few pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 277

Kinda sussy

By HiddenGF - 07/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of a year is talking to another woman on Instagram. When I go to bed, he talks to her until 2-3am, and while I’m at work too, all day long. Their conversations are friendly, but he seems more enthusiastic with her than me. This explains why he doesn’t feature me in his stories and posts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 131

By Insanity - 09/04/2015 05:28 - France - La Poste

Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 151

By Angie - 24/03/2011 19:07 - South Africa

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 429

You deserved it 4 713

By KateD - 06/03/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my husband. We came across a guy who was selling some weight loss pills. He tried to sell me some and I kindly declined. He told me not to deny my weight problems. Thanks. I'm 7 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 824

You deserved it 2 816

By annoyed - 10/02/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, I got a ticket. From my dad the cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 723

You deserved it 18 389

To catch a perv'

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 19:05 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 510

You deserved it 12 026

Lame

By gloria77 - 23/01/2012 23:26 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 395

You deserved it 7 506

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 02:00

Today, one of my UNIVERSITY students submitted an incomplete assignment file to the online learning platform. I emailed him, "You will need to send me the correct file via email, as the system does not accept resubmissions." I literally got as a reply, "So, what do I need to do?" Online teaching is hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 191

"Found", eh?

By Panda_bruh96 - 14/08/2021 02:01 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I found a bunch of half-naked girls saved in my boyfriend's phone, and only a handful of the pics were of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 242

New fragrance just dropped

By lavenderpiss - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - North Adelaide

Today, I used my vaporiser to make my house smell like lavender while I went to work. My brother thought it would be funny to pee inside it. My whole house now smells like pissy lavender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 508

You deserved it 4 039

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I entered the lecture hall where my class takes place. I sat in the front row as usual, but I noticed that none of the other students looked familiar. I quickly realised that I was in the wrong class after a different professor showed up and told me to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 696

You deserved it 7 972

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 519

You deserved it 30 154

Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 046

You deserved it 4 699

Today, I thought about going to visit an old girlfriend of mine with hopes of getting a little head. Unfortunately, I didn't know it would be head lice I'd get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 813

You deserved it 9 152

Today, I went for a massage because my shoulder's been hurting for months but I can't take decent painkillers because they'd react with my anti-depressants. It STILL hurts, but worse, across my upper spine, and I can't tilt my head back. I paid to look like The Hunchback of Notre Dame doing a swan impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 148

Today, my 17 year-old son has been using his phone on the toilet. Every time he poops, he takes his phone to the bathroom. Why does he need his phone to use the bathroom? He uses the toilet with his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 602