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By Anonymous - 30/11/2015 16:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 051

You deserved it 2 842

By Steephx0 - 22/03/2017 02:00

Today, I found out the "free" protein bars at my gym are actually for a fundraiser for children's cancer. I've been taking one every day for the past two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 519

You deserved it 3 504

Oh, so NOW you're listening

By Anonymous - 08/11/2015 05:28 - United States - Lewes

Today, the only way I could get my boyfriend to come over for a serious discussion was to heavily imply I wanted to talk about having a threesome. In actual fact, I just wanted to break up with him face-to-face, because he barely acknowledges my existence unless he's horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 698

You deserved it 2 700

By Anonymous - 12/05/2017 05:39 - United States - Roseville

Today, it was the first time I met my girlfriend's parents. It was also the day that I accidentally ripped their shed's door off its hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 242

You deserved it 594

kujiens101 tells us more.

kujiens101 24

Sunday 7 May 2017 7:56

To give a back story, her parents were renting a house for over a year and there was this super sketch shed was in their backyard. They had all been too scared to mess with it because they didn't want to get hurt. My girlfriend always wanted to go inside but didn't have the strength to open the door. So, after I pulled a bit too hard, I ripped the door off. I told her to go tell her parents, so we could fix it. She said to just put the door back where it was and act like nothing happened.

By betterpianist - 29/11/2016 21:04 - United States

Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 464

You deserved it 763

By Ama_544347571 - 24/05/2017 16:00 - Sierra Leone

Today, a customer came to my shop and asked our shop assistant if we had Smart TVs. She replied, "No we only have LG and Samsung." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 097

You deserved it 427

Sexy talk

By cheekymonkey97 - 24/10/2016 16:48

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 606

You deserved it 1 557

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 16:00

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 208

You deserved it 408

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 505

You deserved it 433

By HYRTE - 06/09/2017 04:30

Today, I returned a shirt for my mom. When the cashier asked why, I just said my mom didn't like the way it looked. After an awkward pause, I noticed the cashier was wearing the same shirt. She was not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 062

You deserved it 372

Brief encounter

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pewaukee

Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 730

You deserved it 1 431

By kicking me while I'm LITERALLY down - 07/11/2017 05:00

Today, I was hit by a car while riding my bike, so I called my dad for help. He blamed me for the accident, said he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and suggested I call my mom instead. She isn't picking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 292

By I guess not - 02/08/2016 13:24

Today, my boyfriend of three years asked me if I ever wanted to get married. I said yes. He said, 'But what happens if you never find a guy who likes you that much?' FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 465

You deserved it 1 120

Coincidence?

By lessimportantthanatable - 15/11/2017 12:00 - United States - Northfield

Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents' house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 811

You deserved it 1 030

By pamcakes - 09/07/2016 17:14

Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 458

You deserved it 1 284

By EyesofStone - 01/06/2016 01:03 - United States

Today, I decided to work on my social anxiety by ordering some food. I waited in line, practicing my order in my head all the way. When I got to the front, I said my order with no mistakes. The cashier just stared blankly at me until I mumbled, "Never mind..." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 199

You deserved it 1 612

By jameen - 07/05/2016 11:48 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, a woman rear-ended my car. She's trying to sue me for 'emotional damage'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 768

You deserved it 1 033

By Anonymous - 23/08/2018 14:00 - Australia - The Gap

Today, after reflecting over my sex life, I realised at 28 I've been sexually active for 12 years. Despite trying everything with my 4 partners over the years, masturbation, and going to a gynaecologist, I've still never had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 646

You deserved it 345

By kotolokacja - 24/08/2018 06:00 - Poland - Plock

Today, I got married and it was wonderful. I had a beautiful mermaid-style tight dress, had fun with my husband, and drunk like there was no tomorrow. Then my bridesmaid forcefully took me to the bathroom to show a big, red stain on my butt. My period came two weeks early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 965

You deserved it 242

Close quarters

By aunty_social - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 647

You deserved it 470

By Anonymous - 08/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was called a "disabled buzzkill" for not letting someone pet my service dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 563

You deserved it 252

By fucktelstra - 17/03/2016 11:42 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I missed a phone interview for a job at Telstra because Telstra's phone network was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 591

You deserved it 1 431

By NurseGabby - 24/02/2016 19:26 - United States - Gadsden

Today, my boss asked me if I needed to stand in the corner while I thought about what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 574

You deserved it 2 798

NurseGabby tells us more.

NurseGabby 10

Friday 26 February 2016 2:04

Well the truth is I work in hospice. I was sent to an admission without the information I needed so I could give a family 5 star treatment because they are a friend of someone in the facility I went to. In the end I told my boss maybe she should stand in the corner for not properly informing me, and I treat everyone with the same compassion and dignity no matter who they are or know!

By CollegeKid - 22/01/2017 22:00

Today, I was in the hospital for 12 hours with unbearable stomach pain. Apparently I have a horrible infection in my intestines and colon. My mom is now accusing me of having anal sex and allowing a man to ejaculate into my bum. My great-grandma believes her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 624

You deserved it 748

By Talis - 12/01/2016 13:24 - United States - Eureka

Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 303

You deserved it 1 476

By 'Earmeout! - 28/04/2017 12:04

Today, I went to the hairdressers for a quick cut and wash. I didn't expect my ear to be included in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 902

You deserved it 306

Pixiewolfe tells us more.

Pixiewolfe 46

Friday 28 April 2017 7:28

Wow my life really sucks with two FMLs published in a month. Luckily she did not actually cut any part of the ear off. It was painful and bleeding a lot but I'm no van Gogh look a like.