Today, I volunteered to tend bar at a friend's charity event. I was called incompetent and had a drink thrown at me for stirring a martini instead of shaking "like they do in James Bond". I've been tending bar for 30 years and have never had a drink thrown at me before. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while working at the bar, I was having a flawless night. Every pour was perfect, every shot expertly measured. I saw my manager for the first time that night, turned to greet him, and knocked over a tray of 30 or so glasses. Only two remained unbroken. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML
Today, I went to a club with some friends. I ordered two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returned with the change, and the rest of the staff claimed they didn't know who I was talking about. FML
Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML
Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML
Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML
Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML
Today, as a restaurant hostess, I fell into the fountain at work while carrying a high chair in front of several large parties, who all promptly laughed at me. We were so busy, I had to stay and finish my shift soaking wet. FML
Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML
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Top comments
Callyn 47
OP, it's not your fault that James Bond doesn't know how to make a martini.
jbuckets_404 39
Obviously, the customer was no suave, debonair James Bond.... :-(
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Comments (18)
jbuckets_404 39
Obviously, the customer was no suave, debonair James Bond.... :-(
Callyn 47
OP, it's not your fault that James Bond doesn't know how to make a martini.
joeyl1990 28
He knows how to get a martini if you want it watered down.
exileonmainst 16
Was the name of the charity ”Free alcohol for unsuspecting bartenders”?
maikeru1979 23
Aren't all martini's stirred unless asked for shaken? I'm not a mixologist so I wouldn't know for sure. Just thought they are naturally stirred unless asked for shaken as Bond does
evilplatypus 39
Shaking a martini wrecks it. It dilutes it, turning it to shit.
WeirdUS 30
Maybe I'm reaching but maybe that's the reason he asks for it shaken and not stirred. He's constantly meets people in bars it would make sense he would want his drink diluted being a secret agent, he's still gotta be functional.
Zyblix 15
From what I heard, in the books he's not the super classy Bond we know from the films, and that him asking for it shaken was a tell of that fact. He doesn't know his drinks.
Neal Collins 2
Let me guess, they also asked for vodka instead of gin.
Lobby_Bee 18
"Sir, unlike you, James Bond would have asked his martini to be shaken, not stirred"
RichardPencil 32
You should charge him $007 for the dry cleaning you’re going to need!
Notmymonkeysnotmycircus 16
More like $700 for being a wanker!
draghkar 18
Anyone that shakes a martini is a savage, and should not be served. James Bond included.
Perry Freeze 4
Anyone who wants a martini shaken is a wimp.
davecross 11
I've never thrown a drink in anyone's face before. Where do you pretend I'd like to throw a drink in your face