The Top

This is mine. They are two and three years old, and while I tried to give them little buckets, they didn't always make it in. It's my job to watch them because I am their full time live in nanny. My sister works third shift and her husband recently passed away, so it's down to me to take care of them. Everyone is over it now, but it was a pretty nasty couple of days, for sure.

By Anonymous - 25/04/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 146

You deserved it 3 003

Insecure

By Anonymous - 28/09/2022 21:30

Today, after my wife said I could decide what to do with our spare room, I decided to make a home gym. She hasn't stopped ranting about "patriarchal diet culture" and "unrealistic body expectations" since. I just wanted to get fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 30/01/2014 18:13 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 095

You deserved it 4 487

By effmylife - 06/09/2009 23:12 - Canada

Today, when I was finished eating at McDonald's, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonald's. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 204

You deserved it 3 680

Add another to the score

By seriously? - 25/02/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, the guy I like told me in casual conversation that I shouldn't get mad at him if he makes out with other girls at the bar, he only does it when he's drunk, that he doesn't really like them. We've been sleeping together for a week now. He met me at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 360

You deserved it 35 657

By vw - 20/02/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 488

You deserved it 6 502

By anonymous - 22/04/2011 05:20

Today, I watched a YouTube video at work because I was bored. I forgot I was on a conference call and my computer's desktop was shared with 15 other people. No one said anything till it ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 413

You deserved it 44 423

By Kenny - 24/01/2014 07:16 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 39 473

You deserved it 8 349

By 1ndustrytx - 04/09/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was awakened by the sound of chain-saws. Moments later a tree branch came through my roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 308

You deserved it 2 229

History

By catfish - 23/02/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those '70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 379

You deserved it 52 190

You've got this!

By Anonymous - 24/01/2024 00:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I took my driver's test, whereby I forgot everything, panicked, and closed my eyes while yelling, "Jesus take the wheel!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 840

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 207

You deserved it 4 791

By highlycontagious - 22/02/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, while walking through the fragrance area in a shopping center a women behind me asked; "Excuse me miss, would you like to sample our new fragrance line." I'm a 19 year old male. I turned around expecting her to correct herself. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 208

You deserved it 6 733

By Just_Me_88 - 14/02/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, the mafia is out to get him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 328

You deserved it 3 249

By ColdHeat - 16/04/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 332

You deserved it 4 641

Giggle loop

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 385

You deserved it 38 384

By JaneChemi - 15/01/2014 21:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking the whole thing in revenge for the fight we had yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 745

You deserved it 8 197

JaneChemi_fml tells us more.

JaneChemi_fml 21

Thursday 16 January 2014 0:25

hi guys. when I found out I ran out of the bathroom holding a pregnancy test screaming "holy ******* shit babe I'm pregnant". I'm not sure I can really do much else to convince him. wait.... how did I deserve this??