The Top

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By theatreluver - 05/01/2011 03:15 - United States

Today, it was opening night for the play where I was, for the first time ever, one of the leads. I went on stage with a loud and energetic entrance. I came in two scenes early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 423

You deserved it 33 606

Caught in the act

By Anonymous - 14/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was Facebook-stalking a really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 584

You deserved it 44 908

By dad - 29/06/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 58

By cherbear1000 - 04/09/2013 21:07 - United States - Newville

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 011

You deserved it 9 024

Cough up

By cain001 - 04/01/2011 00:56 - United States

Today, my boss and I were stacking boxes in the back room of the store. One of the boxes fell and hit me in the face, causing me to lose my glasses. My boss stepped on my glasses as she ran to check the box for broken merchandise, which I then had to pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 092

You deserved it 2 548

Family time

By Anonymous - 28/06/2009 18:25 - Israel

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before, but they usually leave early. I heard someone in the kitchen and, thinking it was my brother, I said, "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma then responded, "No, we're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 502

You deserved it 74 302

If I fits, I sits

By Anonymous - 03/03/2023 14:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I was so into my game that I didn't notice my senior-aged cat had emptied his cat bladder onto my leg until I took off my headphones and he jumped off me to go chew on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 866

Be gone, brand

By Anonymous - 17/12/2014 13:43 - Germany - Munich

Today, after finally finishing a huge internal rebranding project at work, which I've poured blood, sweat and tears into over the last 12 months, I found out we're being acquired by another company and that our new brand will no longer exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 190

You deserved it 2 528

By Anonymous - 25/06/2010 09:36 - United States

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 399

You deserved it 5 722

But still…

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 09:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I listened through the wall while my boss had phone sex with his side piece. His wife works down the hall from us, she's the worst, so I have no ethical issues with explaining to her that he "has an appointment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 381

So annoying

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 11:01

Today, my girlfriend and I were arguing. I told her that "same" and "similar" were two different words that meant two different things. She said, "I don't know about that, let me research it." This is the level of, "I always need to be right" that I deal with every day. I need to end things, for both of our sakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 320

Nice

By Anonymous - 27/07/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a coffee shop, trying to get to know the cute new barista. I wanted to compliment his nice eyes, but I got nervous and blurted out, "You have nice elbows!" He stared at me, confused, as I quickly grabbed my coffee and left. Now I can't even imagine going back there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 455

By oreoblizzard619 - 25/09/2012 12:13 - United States

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 588

You deserved it 3 210

Heavy load

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 16:58 - United States - Verona

Today, I had to place under the carpet another patch of 1/4" plywood over another broken spot in the hardwood floor. My not-so-flatmate refuses to anything about her morbid obesity, and will definitely cost us our deposit when the landlady finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 219

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 543

You deserved it 2 994

Unloveable

By sal - 27/09/2020 05:02 - Canada

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 306

Management BS

By Anonymous - 14/03/2023 03:00

Today, I was just rejected from a part-time job I applied for to have something to do during my retirement. They required references from at least two former employers. I only have one former employer because I worked for the same damn company from 17 to 66 years old. This some bulls**t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 127

Gamer Baby

By FML Videos - 27/10/2018 00:30

#regrets

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 126

It's sus to us

By Nicky - 04/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my husband got on a business call, but he was not using his usual booming, baritone voice. Instead, he was soft and sweet and began with, "Hey, how have you been?" and quickly went into his office. Curious, I listened outside his door. It was a female co-worker. The work talk was waaaay too fun and familiar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 133

Guest star

By highschoolnobody - 23/06/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, I was looking through my high school yearbook. I found a picture of myself and a couple of my friends at our senior prom. The caption gave the names of all my friends, their dates who didn't attend our school, and listed me only as "Guest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 576

You deserved it 2 948

The gall of it all

By Anonymous - 14/03/2023 00:00

Today, and every other day for the past week and a half, I have added a new step to my nightly routine: violently throwing up, just before bed. Fuck you, gallbladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 123

By emselin - 18/09/2012 20:07 - Denmark - Niv

Today, someone brought cake to class. Trying to get some attention from the guy I have a crush on, I asked if he wanted my piece of cake. He accepted it, and then offered it to another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 711

You deserved it 5 035

Freak Scene

By antsgomarching - 06/10/2020 17:01

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 134

Spread the news

By kryssa - 09/10/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend of six years is in the hospital after having a stroke. While being transferred to another hospital, I came to our home to get his phone to call his family, but instead was treated to text messages and voicemails from his other girlfriends. At least 4 of them so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 124

She's not wrong though

By Anonymous - 15/01/2022 14:01

Today, my stepmom aired her opinions on how marriage and children are just shackles placed on women by men to keep them miserable, downtrodden, under control, and borderline suicidal. She made this speech during my wedding reception. Oh and I’m 4 months pregnant as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 195

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 23:01

Today, just like every morning, I had to make myself throw up all the acid in my stomach just to make room for a little bit of food. No doctor can fix my problem, and my family still thinks I’m doing it to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 153

What is going on?

By Jade - 22/08/2013 00:09 - United States - Reseda

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 116

You deserved it 3 986

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 01:15 - United States

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 799

You deserved it 7 146

By meh - 04/01/2010 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist to get a baby tooth which had decayed removed. After almost an hour, I came out with a numb mouth and a missing tooth for life. It was not a baby tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 108

You deserved it 6 535

Awkward

By Lio - 12/11/2008 05:25 - France

Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to a new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 085

You deserved it 41 869

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The Top

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 922

You deserved it 3 613

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 519

You deserved it 5 116

Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 804

You deserved it 6 919

Today, I was pretending to be a monkey for a "documentary". The branch snapped and I fell out of the tree and onto a car roof. It was after school, I fell onto the dean's BMW. The video was on facebook before I regained consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 462

You deserved it 11 502

Today, my dad called my recently unemployed son a no-good bum for not job hunting. My son literally spent all day beefing up his resume and scheduling job interviews for the whole week. It's not the 1920s anymore, dad. You can't just walk into a building, ask for a job, and get hired right on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 178

Today, I put Christmas wrapping on old books and things I already own, because I realized that it's the only way I'll have anything under the tree this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 112