Today, I was putting groceries into my car, and I put the eggs on the driver's seat while I arranged my other bags. I was frustrated because the dome light was acting up, which drives me crazy. Once I got everything in, I crankily plopped into the car. I had never moved the eggs off my seat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML
Today, I tried to carry all my grocery bags in one trip. I was doing great until the plastic handles stretched and snapped in the parking lot. A carton of eggs exploded, an avocado rolled under a car, and a bottle of wine shattered. Someone asked if I needed help. I said no because I was too embarrassed. FML
Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML
Today, I walked out of the grocery store, loaded my bags into my car, then sat in the driver’s seat. I tried to start the engine, but the key wouldn’t turn. That’s when I noticed the child’s seat in the back, which I don’t have. I was in the wrong car, and the owner was standing outside, laughing at me. FML
Today, I went to the store for one thing: eggs. I came out with eggs, a new plant I didn’t need, and a jar of pickles that I’ll never eat. At least the eggs didn’t roll out of the bag this time, especially now they're practically considered a luxury item. FML
Today, I was walking to my car after grocery shopping when I dropped my heavy-ass bag, which then ripped. Everything spilled out, and while I was picking it up, a kind stranger ran over to help me… by accidentally stepping on and smashing my carton of eggs. FML
Today, I bought a cake. I then immediately forgot what I was carrying, opened the door to my car, and tossed the bag into the back seat. FML
Today, I spent way too long trying to figure out why my car smelled like rotten eggs. I took it to a mechanic, who pulled out an entire hard-boiled egg from a hidden compartment under the back seat. Turns out my nephew hid it there a week ago as part of a “science experiment.” FML
Today, I helped my neighbor carry her groceries upstairs. One egg carton slipped from my hand and exploded in the sink. She stared at the mess, then at me, and said, “That's my omelet down the drain.” FML
Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
lexie206 0
store bought eggs can't be hatched just FYI
r0ck_this 0
this was funny because i can see myself doing this. i also think it;s funny that everyone is being so my-shit-dont-stink like they have never had a moment like this before in their life. makes you wonder what they think when a moment like this actually DOES occur .... they probably blame it on someone else. at least we can laugh at our mistakes after accepting them as our own, haha. (:
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Comments (50)
JustGines 0
Fail.
JustGines 0
I just realized I was first, and it's nowhere near as cool as people make it out to be.
misscolumbia 0
hehe
JustGines 0
Actually, being first isn't so bad. Hahahah
lilbyrd43 0
Oooooooh noooooooo!!!! Not the eggs!!!! How will you ever move on in life, know that you smashed the last eggs in the universe!! FYL OP! FYL to the fullest extent
auburnvans 0
Mushy egg yolk butt.
unfortunate_13 5
yeah, having your ass and your car seat messed up with eggs is really a joyful experience. it's not because it isn't life threatening that it's not a funny fml.
loveconverse 0
hehe
beanerkid 0
Lol eggbutt.
lexie206 0
store bought eggs can't be hatched just FYI
selan_fml 0
you deserve that one and the dome light ain't gonna hurt you cool it
summerloolooloo 0
Poor eggs. :(
nodbor 11
hope you like them scrambled.
sourgirl101 29
I've done that with a bag of potato chips. I'm sure eggs made a bigger mess.
summerloolooloo 0
Poor potato chips. :(
summerloolooloo 0
Poor potato chips. :(
lexie206 0
obviously me, because I'd like to know what I'm downloading to my phone, thank you.
lexie206 0
WTF? ^^ this was a reply to #16, how'd it get up here??
Ms_Popsergeant 0
you sat on eggs..ur life is deffinately over..kill urself now and get it over with already
lexie206 0
"in a short story each visitor shares an anecdote about a terrible event that ruined his or her day." - I got this from the summary of the app in the app store on my phone, so technically FMLs are supposed to be about those little things that ruin your day not those big things that ruin your life.
Intoxicunt 6
#10, please shut your egg hole. Are you just some sick **** who thinks it's only an FML if something grotesque and horrific happens and who actually wants to hear that stuff? I mean, would you prefer it said, "...I never moved my newborn from the seat. He's not breathing. FML"??? In summary, stop your bitching.
luck10 0
well put #'s 15
null_fml 11
AND #20.
Phallus_fml 0
how epic of you!!