Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Once we were cool, we decided to have makeup sex. I tried to change position so we could 69, but I then accidently kicked him in the head. He thinks I did it on purpose. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
poccocurantes 7
Banging your boyfriend till he walks funny. Somehow I don't think that's what he had in mind.
Bliss391 7
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand how sitting on his belly would be cute. It really just sounds uncomfortable.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (67)
sux4u121 10
Accidents happen, both of you will probably laugh about this in the very near future. Look at it this way, that would one hell of a funny story for a party.
SirCharles83 13
Cool story bro, do you tell it at parties?
thesubconscious 9
People like you make me angry^
TheChiver 7
I'm guessing he wouldn't like you when you are angry. The Incredible Duck might come out...
gummybear904 10
I can't take you serious with your profile pic.
Sandman366 6
63: Yes. Problem?
lolkaela 6
Once the pain goes away, the whole experience will probably be pretty funny.
rocketiquette 20
Agreed. If someone saw you both in that condition simultaneously... I can only imagine the look on their face! I had something similar happen and I got a black eye from it as well... Hahaha but trust me, it's gonna make a great tale!
LaLince 40
You. Deserve. It.
aKaClickZ 4
There. Is. A. Button. For. That.
Twilight_Sparkle_fml 8
Why. Are. We. Talking. Like. This?
lilhellian 27
Why. Not. This. Is. Fun.
kaegomay12 17
i hope your black eye heals and im sure you will laugh about it someday
lilhellian 27
41. Why. Thread. Jack. And. Why. Break. This.
goose12321 11
No. She. Doesn't. What's wrong with trying to be cute? Nothing is the answer.
lilhellian 27
NO.
white16sox 19
No. You. Aren't. And. I. Hate. That. I. Can't. Stop. Reading. Like. That.
iop330 22
So. Do. I. And. I. Sound. Like. A. Robot
da_directioner39 17
I. Am. A. Robot. Beep. Boop.
RZB 11
C.C.C.C.Combo breaker
lilhellian 27
You. Saw. That. Failed. When. Someone. Else. Did. It. So. Why. Try.
silvercamaro 22
Worst. Thread. To. Try. And. Read. Ever.
maosquare 18
Perhaps writing in a long conglomerated manner will ease the reader's ability to read coherently albeit being confused by the run on sentence and the fact that too many ideas are being squashed into one singular sentence, ultimately culminating in wholehearted confusion on the reader's part and frustration on the writer's part as he muses angrily on why some philosophers (like Foucault, pertinently) insist on writing in such an obscure manner; if unable to convey, confuse.
maosquare 18
No. I. Prefer. This. To. That.
rokmann77 7
I. Agree.
poccocurantes 7
Banging your boyfriend till he walks funny. Somehow I don't think that's what he had in mind.
Catkam623 27
That comment and this story made my day
tmaq973 7
Man that'll be a knee-slapper to tell at parties!
nycwrestler 17
More like a nut cracker.
Bliss391 7
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand how sitting on his belly would be cute. It really just sounds uncomfortable.
Twilight_Sparkle_fml 8
It's the new thing, all the cool kids are doing it.
sens3sfailing 25
All. The. Cool. Kids. Talk. Like. This. Now. Too.
Enslaved 38
Have you never playfully sat on someone to pin them down to say. . .tickle him? It could be cute in their relationship. (: To each their own.
Laurenlou 24
OP is probably thin and light. Otherwise, I'm sure OP would hurt anyone if she sat on their stomach. I always sit on my boyfriend's stomach and he doesn't get uncomfortable or hurt. Although, I don't find it cute unless we are kissing or something of that nature.
hokie16 13
It's more sexy and arousing than anything. I mean, it's the visuals of girl on top without direct stimulation. I do that all the time, and they are definitely picturing you sitting a few inches lower.
yoursucklives 36
i often sit on top of my boyfriend. it usually leads to kissing which then leads to sex. i don't know if thats consideres cute, but he never complaines.
lilhellian 27
Who complains about easy sex?
emilyjgraham 34
Not all guys think of sex 24/7, 79!
deloria_fml 22
Well, you can roll on top of them and sort of straddle their pelvis. That can be fun and not at all awkward.
celiiceegee 6
But what if he needed to fart.. Or worse, poop ._.
ADOG2645 17
82- Yes they do.
gracehi 33
I don't think that's what my beautician cousin meant when she told me, "It hurts to be beautiful," as she yanked on my hair in styling it.
ICastillo 25
But Miss Walrus you don't have any hair...
sens3sfailing 25
*whispers in Castillo's ear to look at her snout and remember that walruses are mammals so they are required to have hair.*
nycwrestler 17
Real cute kneeing him in the nuts!
Big_lama6 7
Sounds more like F his life. Poor guy, nothing worse than getting hit in the nuts
lilhellian 27
Putting icy-hot on after wards, while getting your kidney cut out with a rusty blade?
zolziski 11
I usually don't do this kind of thing, but I think you are adorable! I might just stare at your picture all day. I don't mean it in a creepy way, of course.
jasonman66 7
How did you manage to knee him in the balls is my question...
Bliss391 7
Im guessing She's not very coordinated.
SakataGintoki 9
11 - with her knee..? O-o