Today, after a week of no side effects, my bronchitis medication decided to screw me over. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep and half of my face is sunburnt in randomized patches. Guess who has a huge presentation today. FML
Today, I still didn't feel quite awake after the first lesson at school, so I went to get a cup of coffee from the vending machine. I had just enough money for it. No cup dropped into the holder, and the whole thing poured straight into the drip tray while I watched. FML
walktowardslight tells us more.
Ugh, pour little me was just going about the daily grind, and now you're all making a mochary of my misfortune?!
Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML
Today, I saw my first boobs ever, at 18, volunteering at a retirement home. FML
Today, I left my grandmother's burial to take a midterm. Earlier I e-mailed the professor to ask permission to take it later, and she flat out said "no." I left my grieving family, and traveled hours back to school. I went to class, only to discover that the prof decided to move the exam date. FML
Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML
Today, I asked out the girl who always looks and smiles at me in class. I was surprised when she rejected me until I found out she was actually always looking at the clock behind me, and smiling when class is almost over. FML
Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML
Today, it only took 25 minutes of working before I was covered in old man pee. I think that's a new personal best. FML
Today, I had my second miscarriage. My husband responded by throwing a bitch fit because I "totally blindsided him with this miscarriage shit” knowing he wanted kids, and if he'd known he wouldn’t have married me in the first place. He threw his wedding band in the trash and stormed off. FML
Today, I was home alone and decided to try on my Halloween costume, a giant inflatable dinosaur suit. As I was prancing around the living room, my doorbell rang. Without thinking, I answered it. It was the mailman with a package. The look on his face as he handed a T-rex a box was priceless, but now he probably thinks I’m nuts. FML
Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML
Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family has nicknamed me "The Hobbit". FML
Today, like most days, I awoke from a dream where my hair was long again. This time, it was in the way while I was trying to drink water from a fountain. I lost my hair from chemo; it's slowly growing back. FML
Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML
Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML
Today, I realised that whenever I make eye contact with a stranger, I yawn. I work at a McDonald's FML
Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML
Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML
Today, I accidentally ran a stop sign. It wouldn't have been so bad if the stop sign hadn't been in a traffic cop's hands. FML
Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML
Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML
Today, I went over to welcome this new couple to our subdivision with a bottle of wine and muffins. I told them I liked what they were doing with the place, then asked them when they had moved in. They replied, "Two years ago." FML
Today, after months of delays, my home renovation is nearing completion. Well, it was nearing completion. Last night, a pipe burst, flooding the entire house. The water damage will cost more to repair than the entire renovation. FML
Today, I attended my 10-year high school reunion. My ex-husband's new wife showed up in the same dress as mine. I guess both the dress and my ex-husband look better on her. FML
Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML
Today, my wife and I have been trying for kids for years and nothing, yet my deadbeat brother just ran out on his third pregnant girlfriend in a row, with no intention of meeting the baby ever. FML
Today, I tried the 'drop the towel' challenge in front of my wife so I could record her reaction for TikTok, and maybe get some weekend booty. She barely even reacted, gave me the 'go away I’m busy' arm wave, and when I didn’t leave fast enough, she actually whipped my knob with her charging cable. FML
Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML
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