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By fuuuudge - 19/08/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 689

You deserved it 3 743

Punchline man

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 18:00

Today, I figured out the medical problem with my wife’s legs. She likes to spread them so my cousin has somewhere to rest his penis while I’m at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 202

Remember planking?

By say dump him and i'll kill you - 29/12/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Soham

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 772

You deserved it 4 116

By icarlymom - 05/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my 18 year-old daughter comes home, telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had iCarly Happy Meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 635

You deserved it 5 411

By Bouh - 27/12/2012 04:04 - France - Paris

Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 53

By The_Rest_of_the_Story - 14/12/2013 06:38 - United States - Effingham

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 109

You deserved it 11 410

Party time!

By revalc - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink, and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11, but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 713

You deserved it 52 269

By Squashed - 15/08/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 142

You deserved it 22 870

Who's a good boy?

By Hey buddy - 10/11/2022 10:00

Today, my dog celebrated my coming home by slapping me in the junk repeatedly with his tail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 05:57 - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 557

You deserved it 3 377

By makinascene - 05/02/2009 10:05 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 659

You deserved it 5 744

By Megara - 15/03/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 238

You deserved it 13 198

Realization

By Eyal - 20/08/2021 16:01 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, after always thinking I wasn't ugly, just fat, I've lost 30kg and it now turns out I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 135

Chill out, Gramps

By Chris T - 21/03/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend’s friends secretly make fun of me. They call me “grandpa” and a “massive creep.” They’re in their 20s. My girlfriend is 22 and I’m 48. Apparently, dating a consenting legal adult is considered “creepy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 2 155

By WestboroBC - 03/02/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, I walked in the snow and saw some kid slip. I laughed and felt good about myself. Then I fell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 444

You deserved it 72 475

AITA?

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 12:00

Today, I caught my girlfriend of a year texting her ex, asking if she was enough for him sexually. He responded in detail about all their sexual activities, but she says I’m overreacting and shouldn’t keep throwing it in her face. Am I wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 215

With friends like these…

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, my ex hit me up out of the blue, so I texted our mutual friend to tell them what had happened. The friend then told my ex and he got mad, ending with him texting me, “Pop quiz: When’s the last time you took a shower?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 254

By life_isnt_fair - 09/03/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 668

You deserved it 4 574

As you were

By ryan and Zack - 25/02/2010 22:30 - United States

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year-old boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 344

You deserved it 8 017

Supportive

By katerina - 29/11/2013 22:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my parents talking about me and discussing how I've never had a boyfriend. My mum laughed that maybe they should pay someone to go out with me, and my dad replied, "Heh, not enough money in the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 403

You deserved it 4 229

Just a prank, son!

By barface - 11/01/2012 02:52 - United States

Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 887

You deserved it 2 819

Knackered knob

By Anonymous - 10/08/2009 06:27 - Ghana

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 732

You deserved it 3 516

By anaph0re - 01/02/2009 15:52 - France

Today, it was good fun getting this nice vampire make-up at my drama lesson. It would have been better if I hadn't forgotten my demake-up. Even better if I could have avoided those crazy glances in the bus home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 726

You deserved it 21 544

Family ain't all it's cracked up to be

By frogface_fml - 20/05/2020 05:00

Today, I talked to my birth mother for the first time in over 26 years. Five minutes into our conversation, I remembered why I stayed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 245

No diggity

By bullllllshittttt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a rave where apparently one of my favorite rappers was supposed to perform. I stood in line for 2 hours in the rain, got pushed and shoved, and had to witness a bunch of drunken idiots puke all over the place. Once I finally got to the front of the line, they closed the doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 844

You deserved it 6 704

Scary

By xHoho - 26/11/2013 05:50 - United States - West Fargo

Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 346

You deserved it 8 745

That's so lovely!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 438

You deserved it 4 058

By jasmine - 23/02/2010 16:48 - United States

Today, I realized I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Too bad he has never once made me orgasm in the two and a half years we've been together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 740

You deserved it 7 706

News to me

By madaskueuchiha - 08/08/2009 03:57 - United States

Today, I got a call from my parents' divorce lawyer. When I answered the phone, she thought I was my mother and told me the details about my parent's divorce. I'm a 13-year-old boy who sounds like a woman and just learned that my parents are separating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 534

You deserved it 3 943

Nerves of steel

By EdibleCape - 28/05/2020 23:00

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home, my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 340

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The Top

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 889

You deserved it 5 390

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 138

You deserved it 41 019

Today, my 92-year-old great-grandfather ran down the stairs in excitement, despite his severe arthritis. He told my great-grandmother that he was having the first erection in over 10 years, and grandma ordered me to leave so they could do it right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 744

You deserved it 785

Today, I offered to help my mother-in-law boil noodles for some noodle soup. She loudly said, "You know how!?" I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 151

Today, I went to bed early, proud of myself for being responsible. However, I lay there wide awake replaying every awkward moment from the past ten years, including things no one else can possibly remember. I checked the clock at 3:47 AM and had to wake up at 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 100

Today, I tried to quietly open a bag of chips during a movie. The bag made so much noise that people turned around to stare. When I finally got it open, I dropped the entire bag on the floor and chips scattered down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 514