Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from Bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML
Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to subtly encouraging me to do stupid things because he finds my "bimbo moments" hilarious. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, while skiing on Mammoth Mountain, a man dressed in an Easter Bunny costume snowboarded into me and sent me flying. Not only did he hurt my wrist, he also threw an Easter egg at me, yelled "Happy Easter", and snowboarded away. FML
Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, who had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML
Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML
Today, I got an angry call to the phone shop where I work. The caller demanded that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been tricked because his phone got ruined by water "even though he was using the waterproof application". FML
OwlSaysBlimey tells us more.
I really didn't think this would be posted, but thanks for all the hilarious comments! Well, I think I ought to explain it a bit. This person is one of our usual customers and is infamous for being a total idiot. Although this isn't the first time he has complained to us, this is by far the stupidest complaint he's made. He's usually complaining about that the Internet's off and that he can't turn 3G on and so on. Anyway, he didn't get his money back and my boss told him to piss off, so we're all good :).
Today, I was getting dressed in my bedroom with the blinds open and had nothing covering my top half. I thought my neighbours wouldn't be able to see in through all the trees, that was until I heard someone wolf whistle and one of my neighbours running away. FML
Today, my friend used my phone to tag some of my overweight Facebook friends in a weight-loss video, along with the comment "Here's some motivation, fatasses!" I was able to delete the post, but not before I got a bunch of angry messages. FML
jwill200 tells us more.
jwill200 16
I left my phone on the counter by accident when my mom called me so that's when she did it. But apparently she thought that I was cheating with her boyfriend so that's why she did it, my friends and relatives understand, but they're still hurt.
Today, while trying to get my phone to charge, I shoved in the cable harder and harder and tried to wobble it so my phone would charge. After snapping the USB input from the force, I saw the plug was switched off. FML
Today, one of my professors left a cabinet door open whilst teaching class. The compulsion to get up and close it was so strong that I could barely concentrate on what was being taught. FML
ChiefKoala tells us more.
Okay. Wow I can't believe this got posted! So anyway, I do this at home. Like before I go to bed I HAVE to make sure the two doors that lead outside are locked and that every cabinet door in the house is closed. And I probably do have OCD, As I have anxiety and Severe depression to boot as well. For those wondering: I didn't get up and close it for a few reasons. 1.) I didn't want to interrupt him. 2.) I figured he would find it rude and stupid to just get up and close a door that probably only bothered me. And 3.) I have anxiety, so getting up or even speaking in a class full of students is damn near impossible. Also, all of his lectures are also on Momentum (Which is basically how we email our teachers and get all the material we need for the class like the syllabus and shit) so I've already looked over what he taught for today. And to the person who said "i would not do anything, because im not compulsive about minor things like that." That's fantastic. Why don't you give yourself a pat on the back? I live with and am stuck around people who see that as "minor" and don't do anything about it. I know what a "normal" person looks like. I can't help it. I know it's minor, and i know that i shouldn't worry about it or be bothered by it. But I literally can't help it. So forgive me for being different. Thanks to the person who made the "Close" joke. OR if you were even making a joke. Regardless, i found it relatively funny and it made me giggle.
Today, my mother called to uninvite me from Christmas, my ex-wife is going and she doesn't want it to be awkward for her. FML
Today, my boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me, but adamantly insisted I didn't move out of our apartment, because he can't pay the rent alone. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML
Today, in the men's room, a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML
Today, I popped a pimple while stopped at a red light. When I looked over the woman in the car next to me was laughing, and had her camera phone out. FML
Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML
Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML
Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML
Today, it's been two days since my upstairs neighbour's toilet started flooding both our apartments. I have to go to the bathroom with an umbrella. FML
Today, during an hour-long drive, my sister told me she's lost her "faith in humanity", because one of her friends bought his 8-year-old son an iPad. She uses this stupid expression all the time, and I got so pissed off that I forgot to brake at a red light, rear-ending the car in front of us. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and walked into my living room to see my sis' and her boyfriend sitting very closely on our family's fairly large couch. I laughed and said, "Look at the happy couple." Then her now ex-boyfriend burst into tears. Turns out they'd just broken up. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML
Today, I arrived at the station at 7:30pm sharp for the train... which was cancelled. FML
Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML
Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "Does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML
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