Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML
Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
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Top comments
13BlackCat 2
why that is the first thing that came to his teacher's mind i don't know. my first thought was cop. i think the teacher has his or her mind in the gutter
shorgenfunkel 0
Go to the school in uniform.
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Comments (252)
keidus324 6
That's when you show up to school in uniform and make the teacher eat her words. People are such dicks when they think they're right, make her feel like an idiot :D
alphabetsoup25 4
Be glad it wasn't a gun. FYL, but make sure you keep that gun and tazer away from him. He wants to be like his daddy though, and thats cute.
myrakate 3
you should have showed up in your uniform
swag2314 0
The teacher is from the Internet.
newburton13 26
If that's the first thing that your son's teacher thinks, I would report them. Sounds like the kind of teacher that ends up having sex with a student. (Yes, I read the age in this FML. Read the damn news.)
Mortalspirit 4
Whether it was a kinky toy or not, you left handcuffs in a not-hidden spot from your son and he handcuffed himself, who cares about shat the teacher thinks.
TsarKeith12 9
Bet the teacher was in for a surprise
Coolaidegirl 18
That's when you show up in uniform with the key
v8nick97 11
I would have gone up there in full uniform to unlock the kid
Nitrous_meth 12
Kids can climb. He might have put it up on top of a cupboard