Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML
Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
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Top comments
13BlackCat 2
why that is the first thing that came to his teacher's mind i don't know. my first thought was cop. i think the teacher has his or her mind in the gutter
shorgenfunkel 0
Go to the school in uniform.
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Comments (252)
mrcarmine 0
haha wtf, you can't use real handcuffs for sex. your kid's teacher is ignorant.
20seniorparty09 0
of course u can, fake ones take all the fun out of it :)
KhaleesiKitten 14
Yeah you can use real ones. those are the only kind I use.
eevee_fml 0
ahaha smart teacher
effmalife 0
SEX TOY HANDCUFFS usually DONT HAVE real locks. if you needed to bring a KEY, she should have figured they were REAL
SadinSherman 16
Why are you yelling?
warsun 27
BECAUSE ITS FUN
derpderp 0
You know this was/is the perfect opportunity to say "I'm a cop you idiot" in an Arnold voice.
stonerchu 0
When I read this I thought that the teacher handcuffed himself. Now that would have been a FML, well for the teacher anyway
urie 0
why didn't you just say you were a cop? how is this a fml i don't get it.
kk89 0
Hahaha... more like F the teachers life!: "Today, one of my students handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he brought from home. Disgusted, I called his parent to tell them not to leave their sex toys where their young boy could find them. They are a cop. FML." Haha, I hope there is a "Parent Career Day"
Squrril 0
you got me on this one to
itsbritneybixchh 0
you should be a professional fml writer.
UrLifeDoesntSuck 0
To be honest, it's just as bad that a cop left real handcuffs out where a child could get them. That just reeks of irresponsibility.
opalitepetals 0
there is no such thing as hiding something from a child. they will find it if they want to. My niece can open a locked cabinet with her eyes closed.
Squrril 0
you need to shut up and get yourself a real life you ditch
amykillswitch 0
the teacher is an idiot. you should have showed up in uniform. she would have felt like such a moron.
Argh_fml 0
Today, a student whom I teach handcuffed himself to his desk with his father's handcuffs. I called the father and told him to bring the key and not leave his sex toys where his kids can find them. Turns out, he's a cop. FML.
cookeemonster 7
You just copied the FML someone wrote a few comments ago. And ops a girl. So just stfu