Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the bathroom and didn't realize my skirt was tucked in my ugliest underwear until I reached the elevator. Thanks for not telling me girl-in-the-yellow-shirt. FML
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
Today, I was out walking downtown. A woman walking behind the thought that my pants were hanging too low. She came over to me and yanked my pants up. FML
Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML
Today, I tried to discreetly fix a wedgie while walking into a crowded store. Right as I yanked my waistband, the automatic doors opened and revealed a full line of people staring directly at me mid-adjustment. FML
Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML
Today, a woman had a wardrobe malfunction right in front of me. As if that's not awkward enough, that woman was my own mother. FML
Today, whilst in a dressing room trying on some new clothes, I experienced the sheer terror of having someone fling a pair of dirty panties over the stall wall only to make off with some stolen ones, whilst you're still standing there in shock staring at another woman's dirty underwear. FML
Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML
Today, I was traveling. At airport security, the woman patting me down felt something "down there" and asked me what I was wearing. I told her it was a sanitary napkin. She put her hands inside my pants just to be sure. FML
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Top comments
camsterjoe 12
Some people would be delighted to have that sort of action.
Dracoboxer357 36
Butt I'll bet you'll never forget to check for it from now on, will you? ;)
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Comments (120)
blossomwillow 4
How the hell could some One deserve this
Medd_fml 13
You'll find yourself asking that about a lot of FML's.
417_95 2
Awkward...
perdix 31
#56, a Grand Slam is 4 RBI's, . . ., and a breakfast at Denny's, although with all this talk of fingering butt cracks, I doubt people have much appetite right now.
MzZombicidal 36
Fifth base? There aren't even FIVE bases. At least know the basics!
Raum 19
What the hell is wrong with that woman? That's a major FYL, OP. I know some people hate being touched in general, but there? Ugh, talk about violation of personal space.
MrSarcasmic 10
she's probably a mom
Protagonist_ 9
Oh wow, this should be a thing! Think of how easily this would put the wannabe gangsters of the world in their place... You have done a great thing for science and the world OP, be proud.
Zebediabolical 45
I know the basics. I'm pretty sure it's meant to imply that anal sex is as rare and elusive as a fifth base in baseball. Just like the idiom 'queer as a three dollar bill' which refers to something that doesn't exist. Other than joke bills at least.
icepick23 12
Hey, speak for yourself...
perdix 31
#76, that's a relief! I thought you were revealing that Canadian understanding of baseball that might explain the Toronto Blue Jays. I was at a Florida Panthers hockey game and the guy next to me started in on his commentary, ". . . they played well in the last quarter . . ." and that's when I tuned out.