Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML
Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML
Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML
Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML
Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to a new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML
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Top comments
mclauren29 22
Well love glove, it looks like it's time for some pay back.
mattb77 9
I guess this way the safety's always on....
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Comments (96)
usmc4lyf 2
What kind of military are you in where you only have a week of carrying around a rifle , and where your comrades can get condoms?
Schizomaniac 24
Damn Canadians.
joeyl2008 29
I'm curious about how he is using his phone in basic
RedPillSucks 33
He may not be in basic now. Please retread the FML. He has to put a condom on any rifle he's carrying. Guess you're not in the intelligent part of military intelligence
SkinYouAlive 9
If he's out of basic he wouldn't have to worry about that anymore... I know the Army gets their phones during boot camp though.
mageepaigeee44 15
It doesn't matter. This could have happened months or years ago. FML makes you write in the present format. He could have written this after he was sent home.
iann32 10
I guess it depends where you go to boot.m camp. a buddy mine is in the army and when he was in boot anything that was with him when he got there got put in bag, locked away then given back when he was done with boot.
joeyl2008 29
#49 The OP literally says "boot camp" in the FML which is the same thing as basic training.
Akatosh_fml 1
You get your phone in basic? Well, aren't you lucky as Hell because we sure didn't!
Brandi_Faith 34
He probably didn't get a phone or internet and didn't post this till after training. And just because your training was different doesn't mean your any better or more "badass" than he is. Serving is serving and should be respected by all.
usmc4lyf 2
And where you can have a phone and internet access. That's called summer camp not boot camp
Brandi_Faith 34
Again, like everyone else has stated, he may not have had a phone or internet and probably didn't post this till he got home from training.
frokeyman92 9
Brandi_faith, we get it. Chill out. Also, regarding your first comment having your phone at basic/boot camp would have made my time a lot easier, but you wouldn't know that cause you probably didn't enlist, and even if you did you'd be a pog.
Mauskau 36
Wouldn't the rifle be very slippery to hold? Sounds fairly dangerous to me.
RedPillSucks 33
The condom doesn't go on the end he's holding.
RedPillSucks 33
My bad. It does say on the grip.
Gweedo65 16
That sucks, sorry love glove.
nifterific 3
Quit ******* bitching. That's part of being in the military. We prank each other. It's FUN. Play the game, you'll enjoy yourself I promise. But I've only been doing this for 9 years, what the hell do I know? PS put your damn phone away.
mageepaigeee44 15
You seem like a huge douche. He's not bitching. This website is for unfortunate/funny stories. All you military guys who are commenting in such a superior manner need to get the **** off the website.
Awesome_Ninjaz 12
They believe they're superior.
MrsDavehn 11
Signing up to protect your Country doesn't give you the right to be a complete douche! You must be a special kind of stupid if you really thing that he posted this while he was in boot camp. You should have a brain somewhere in your ignorant head. Use it!
Schizomaniac 24
Yo dawg I heard you like safety so I put some protection on yo protection so you can protect yo'self while you protect yo'self.
Adam5858 17
Haha a good prank to think about in years to come
Juicenub 25
Well, at least they screwed you the safe way.
retailworker 2
Sounds like you're ready to protect and serve