Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML
Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML
Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML
Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML
Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to a new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mclauren29 22
Well love glove, it looks like it's time for some pay back.
mattb77 9
I guess this way the safety's always on....
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (96)
allplayedout 20
If possible make sure they're all magnums, ultra ribbed, pleasure tipped, studded, flavored, etc Go big or go home, Love Glove.
nlow79 3
you ain't no Marine if you can have your phone in basic.
ProudDaddy 7
Don't see how this is that bad.
jh921971 10
Basic is all a game. They're payed to dick you around, you're paid to take it. The purpose is to make sure you can handle stress.
Tript 1
this is hilarious!
crazylou81 6
I would not do it since the punishment is sexual in nature and the nick is unwelcome. I would warn them they are looking for a sharp complaint which will end there life in the army.
redbaron94 8
You're what's wrong with America. It's a punishment deal with it civilian
max_glockling 5
This is quite possibly my favorite FML I've read so far.
redbaron94 8
How the **** do you have internet at boot camp? What are you a Coastie, Hooah, Or Air Fag? Oh hell even ******* Navy?